Why Me

 So I finally asked the question of why me.. there has been so much in the last 3 months that we had faced in all the things, moments, break downs, all the darkness, all the downs... but there have been happy moments, moments of pure joy, and pure laughter. there has been love like no other, and recently I shared with her why the love matters to me so dearly.

I wanted to pick out some more jewelry as if there hasn't been enough devotion, or commitment, but this one is different.. this piece or devotion includes my kid. to any mother, or parent, who decides to offer our hearts up to one person, to put our trust, our love, and our commitment into someone, it's a big deal, and all these times before when we were together as a unit, as a family, it was beautiful.
when we started corresponding back and forth about why we would get back together, I was honored to hear her speak my sons name, to know that it's not just me that she loves, but that its two of us. 
so I decided to honor that... I found a ring... a birthstone locked in infinity of hearts. and thats basically what I wanted to say to her, is that we are forever living in her heart, and we are forever here for her.. does that make sense?

but the question remained.. why me.. why after a week did you come back why did we keep finding one another. 

thankfully the answer was pretty simple she still loves me, and didn't feel that we were done. 

then today as I was reading through social media I read something "Destined by fate to keep crossing paths until they finally get it right" Now it can be a bunch of bs... things we read.. but when I think about it the reality is... for the first time in my life i took a very serious leap in faith,... you know to choose her, to let her choose me.. 
that isn't something that can be done in 3 months.. and it's not something I'm willing to give up. 
I also read another thing talking about...

darkness...

I write about darkness.. beast of burdens, I write about the light, and I write about lots of things, but what I realize that her and I share.. is that we find light in our darkness in one another, we are the fire in one another burning in souls, never giving up on one another. 
the quote talked about being able to see the person.. not just the darkness, or the charade of who is underneath it all.

in one another we see one another, we know that we are both warriors, we are both fighters, and we are both yearning to love, and be loved, we are both an equal? to one another. not better than, but desiring to make better... like how Lois Lane is to Clark Kent.. she makes him want/desire to be superman, and she makes him wanna fly. well so the story goes anyway.
I want to see her potential, I want to see her rise from the darkness, and I want to be by her side holding that light in the sky for both of us. 

I believe in us. and I have never stopped believing in us. I have detoured in some areas but not because of her, but because of my own demons, my own darkness.. when I allow those thoughts to consume me rather than voicing my concerns then I get consumed.
If I remain true to myself.. and I speak my thoughts when I need to I hear the answers, I hear her love as she tells me. 
I am grateful to be alive.. I am grateful to have this love of my life. I only want the best for her, and for myself. 

I honor our love with the ring that I purchase. I want to make all the promises in the world, to always be true to her, always be true to myself. but it's hard because I broke those promises in her eyes, and hurt her in ways I cannot fully comprehend. I laid here for a week, crying, dying a little each day, who knows what she went through as I left her.. and I hope to never do that again.
but the ring will not be my love devotion on promises.. as much as I want that to be so, in time I'll be able to give that to her.. for now like i said its my way of honoring who we are as a unit, as a family, as lovers who care for one another, and acknowledge my kid, and all the feelings we have for him. 

IDK if that makes sense.. but I am grateful my why me.. got me the answer I knew all along.. 

I just want light. I just want to love unconditionally without limits, I just want to see her shine brighter than she ever has before. and I just want the happiness we had to prevail any shortcomings I do have in my life, because our happiness is worth everything, and our happiness is also beyond anything I've ever felt in my life.. which means a lot to say.. I guess...

Making the choice each day.. to say I choose you. I honor you, and I will live/die/kill for you. lol cheesy enough... we may be a love forever,  but what we have in this moment is pure love/joy/happiness. and that is what I honor. and care for. If she tried to end us, I will chase her, follow her to the ends of the earth, the depths of the oceans, all the stars in the sky, because again I believe in us, and i believe in fighting for us, because we are truly epic love. .. I still will honor what we have. no Im not saying stalking her of this belief I have, but like me in my dark moments, dark days, I lost perspective, and the break away helped me see that I was being consumed, so maybe if ever we are having a bad day, just need to clear our heads, from the things that are trying to pull us apart. she came back in my life because she believes the same things, she believes in us just as much... IDK being crazy,... crazy in love... hope to never forget because it feels incredible. 

#KMF