Tuesday, December 30, 2014

New Beginning yet again!

For what seems the first time in a long time... I actually have done something different... It's always been said that reflecting on the past helps you see where you have come from... Learning from my own history...
However if I told you my past; apparently six years ago it is no different than now... except that I am alone.. Compared to my crazy wild youth days I'm now free from that kind of destruction...
It's hard to explain that it's been six years... since I destroyed my life.. Need an explanation well lets see... Six years ago I ended up in the hospital with what seemed like life threatening wound.. I woke up in the hospital with 34 stitches in my left arm, I was hand cuffed to the bed.. I had to see a plastic surgeon because I was so dumb I almost needed plastic surgery...
Can you imagine! I couldn't believe what had happened, and I asked the nurse what happened... and it was the worst thing to hear that I had done this to myself...Only then when she had said that I realize that I had finished work the day before and I had about 100 Siegen Angled Razor Scraper Short in my back pocket, I had just gotten paid, and I was trying to impress some people that I thought were friends... Instead I ended up alone, scared to death of the damage that had been done...

I look back on that day... I'll say this I know what happened I know what lead up to my slicing my arm within an inch of my main artery to my heart... I was saved from killing myself... People always say you have to hit rock bottom before you get up, you have to fall down seven times and get up eight... But this... Me almost killing myself to the point of no return, to the point that I was blacked out! I don't remember any of it... Except to now have to live the rest of my life with this scar!

I reflect back on this day... It reminds me that I don't always surround myself with healthy people, that I don't always need to be drinking and trying to impress people... The fact that I have survived for over twenty years is survival enough. I shouldn't ever have to impress people with drinking, drugs, or even money... I have lived through tragedy! I have survived two deaths in my family, I have found my soul mate... and the best part of my soul mate... is that she's not my lover, she is my best friend..

for me to have found someone I could confide in, someone who has seen me through hell and back, someone who seen this light within me before I did, someone who was there when all other failed me... She has loved me unconditionally and she has been in my life for six years! She knows me more than anyone, and she was with me in my darkness, she continuously helped me in my time of need.
I am grateful everyday for this woman!

My way of celebrating and paying tribute to the things I have survived! IS only one way! to make sure I do something spectacular! ANOTHER TATTOO! Not just any! But one! To get the Phoenix tattoo on my arm, above the scar! Because I never want to hide the scar, I never want to be ashamed of this scar!

This phoenix will be my symbol that I have survived, this is my constant reminder that I am moving forward, that it's possible to rise from the ashes!

Happy New Year readers!