Choose happiness

 I have to write because its been one of those days.. I totally started the day thinking I was somewhat alone, and then I got pulled in every direction and I got to have some fun at work, and got to feel all that I needed to feel. and then something happened.

something that normally happens when I feel "too high" on myself.. I got grounded by simple failures, and reality sets in and I realized how mch less I have.. I started to get lost in my brokenness, and I started to distance, and started to go silent but than for one of the most random times, I decided to spit it out, I decided to tell someone how i felt and it wasnt just a random someone, it was my someone..
and at first I got scared...fears that my feelings were not valid? or feelings that maybe it was my being me? or maybe somehting that was not healthy or whatevr. 

but then she helped me find perspective.. and helped me find myself. and maybe it was barely anything she did but let me vent, let me see where I was doing wrong, and I realized how much more I loved her and love her more deeply.. I just wanted to be with her. I just want wish I could have sat with her talking about it all, but we did it via text. and then at the end I was like I wish you were here. and the next thing I know.. I drove over to visit, and talk, we ended up chillin at the beach, an it was beautiful, I love the city and we literally made it there just as the sun went down, and it was beautiful. I was reminded of all the reason I love her, and reminded of our passion, an beauty. 
I love how she reaches for my hand to hold. i love how she smiles, and how she will be with me.. ugh

I miss having her with me at night, I miss snuggling with her in bed, but Im beyond grateful to have any part of her then just nothing at all. 
I am grateful to be happy.. that we are happy. that we are enjoying one another time, and we are able to be content in that happiness. I hope that she feels happy as well. because I really want or believe that we are worth a lot. 

I have so many ideas. so many plans.. I wish we could live them every day, with greatness. but I feel like for now we're just having a blast, and having fun, and laughing, I love those moments, these are the moments that make me feel fulfilled, and just don't know how I ever lived without her all those times before, and I hope IDK.. maybe was just fun and random, but it was beautiful and precious .

I choose happiness.. I choose life. I choose to keep moving forward. and I choose to want with her into the light. I hope for more days like today, random and all. and it was fun... ugh was it ever fun just to be around one another.. be reminded of why we are who we are together. it makes everything else fall away does that make sense? 

regardless had to write..cause I feel high on life atm