I've been in a weird funk this past few weeks.. I am absolutely and completely in love with this girl, and no matter what we've been through nothing has ever been too much. I am trying to remain positive, trying to hold onto hope. that no matter where we have been, we are going somewhere more beautiful then ever. all my past relationships seemed so much easier, and so much less stress, that being in this.. has had it's moments where i felt as though I wanted to break. I hold onto all of our beginnings... remembering our first kiss, remembering the first time I took her out, or when we first met, I recently took a screenshot of the first time I took her out.. I didn't know it then.. but she had feelings for me since that day.
I was completely oblivious I honestly don't know.. sometimes I look back and don't know how I didnt see it. it took me months to see what she was saying to me. telling me, talking to me, getting to know me, slowly putting herself into my life, and slowly consuming me, and slowly everything.. it took months. lol I HAD no idea!!! until my best friend told me what everyone had known for awhile, that she wanted to be with me. I remember snit bits, of letting her sleep in my car, or sitting with her during our lunch breaks, just getting to know one another, the desire was beyond strong.. the connection was and is beyond any love.
I am cheesy this way.. I love remembering the first time she held my hand, first time she kissed me, got in bed with me, woke up next to me. I remember flirting with her, before even we were anything. the desire, the everything.. and we are now coming up on eight months of greatness. eight month of a love so deep that I'll never feel this way again about anyone, because she truly completes me, she makes me feel whole, she makes me feel alive, she makes me want to live and be mroe than I've ever been.
In the past week she has let me see her, visit with her, take her out, and it brings everything up. all the love, all the loyalty, devotion, desire, and forever.
I miss her so much.
I feel like we are in the hardest chapter, not in our love, but in the lives we live, and the things we need to do to make it through it, and so my mindset remains the same... complete devotion, complete hope, complete strength, no matter what she is going through I am doing everyhting I can to be here, to support, to love, to give her strength when she is struggling, give her hope whne she is hurting, and to carry her in these times that overwhelm her. I love her that much that is all I want to be.
we have done amazing things in our hearts, but in our walk to forever i demand more.. I want the whole package, and she wants to give that to me as well.
We recently talked about meeting her family.. UGH!!! lol I am not good with first impressions, so i have to change, I have to appear worthy of her love, worthy of the approval of her family, before I am given permission to forever.. and when that happens, nothing will stand in my way! but I will stand in my own way until then because I have to push myself, I have to be more than I've ever been, and i have to love, and my loyalty of my friends would prove the type of person I am, but first impressions live with people forever, and so I have to change enough that I can hide behind a facade, and maybe one day that facade will be me.. that is hard you know? how many couples get approved right away at first impressions? not many lol. so I have to work hard, because I refuse to lose her, I refuse to lose her because of me, especially because our love prevails, we prevail in all things, she lives for me, I live for her, and I love her beyond all things. and I will prove this in all my days with her. I will force myself out of my shell to be such a beautiful soul, people will continue to be drawn to me, because deep down I am amazing, its just surface stuff not so much lol.
I am in love. I love her, and I will walk my days proving that to her, and I hope she knows that, feels that and can connect to that!
MUCH LOVE
