Its going to be very rare id find time to write. But I've had this heavy on my heart for awhile.
Lately I've been accused of being selfish or uncaring about those around me.
I could reminisce about my past. My upbringing or all the shit I gave up to be here for my family. I could go on and on about how great I had it in Ontario I truly believed I had found my one. Found my happiness.
An I literally walked away from it. I got on a plane an flew back here. I tried to get the love of my life to come here, but just didn't add up.
Regardless I no longer feel the need to justify who I am to anyone..
I dont need my family or friends approval for the lifestyle I'm living. I've been through my own hell and I have no fuckin clue how I came to be here today.
The only thing I'm certain of is how giving I am. I'd give the shirt off my own back if it helped someone in need. I've given up my home. My sanctuary my freedom to continue as a foster parents or guardian to my kid.
While on that note! I gave up my entire life! Every opportunity I could have had to move back to Ontario and restart my life.
Instead I gave up my life. I literally gave up the job I loved. I gave up my home. My quietness. I gave up everything to be here for my kid.
Most parents well at least as far as I know..most parents get to prepare for the life long journey of raising a kid. There's a set plan an idea in place.
Whereas I literally jumped into it not knowing exactly how to swim.
Like every new parent I question absolutely everything I do. I don't want to screw up this kids life. I dont want to become another disappointment to him. I don't want to bail on him.
So when I hear people talking about what a shitty person I am. I fucking am lost.
I love with my whole heart. I give with every inch of me. And my love is unconditional without limits or strings attached.
It hurts my spirit to have people talk shit but have no fuckin clue what I've done for my kid an my family .
