My mind is racing...specifically about someone... I realize that yes I'm in a relationship with someone I love an want to spend my life with. However... this other person. Was someone from a time almost a different period of my life. When I was going to become someone completely different.
My favorite about this person.. was the late nights. Talking for hours on end. An being able to call the person up an go for long walks. Or chillin at the nearest 24 hour Tim Hortons. Or laying in bed or watching TV.
This person knew me in a different way. An altho I loves them an feel like I still love them. I don't know what I'd do if they came back into my life now.
I was ready for the whole package when we met. An I remember the last day I saw them. I was at the bus station. An when i ran into their arms. The safe feeling the feeling of being home. Was all there. An when we went for breakfast they ordered French toast an put salt on it. 😆
An when I went to catch my bus to go away for Christmas they said they had a dream that this was the last time they would see me.
I called an we talked everyday. I vowed all this love to them but...when I went home for Christmas....well wasn't home. Was my family.
My whole world erupted. An everything changed. An yes was the last time I seen them. But wasn't the last time we talked.
Sadly...when I got back. I tried to stay good. But being back in BC was difficult to stay on the right path. So I went back to the life. An it was fun but when I talked to my special someone. I wasn't myself. And to them I said I wouldn't sleep with anyone. An I'd wait for them to come to me here in BC..
Eventually that ended... an down a path that led me to where I am now.
Not a day goes by where I am not grateful for that person. The warmth. The love. The safe haven. The power they had in wrapping me in their arms. I knew this was my home.
I wish I had stayed. I wish so many things differently.
But as I see now...with my boy. I see this is my path. The reason I'm back here.. an altho I've made every sacrifice. I have given up so much of myself for my kid.
I gained a new path with someone i love more than life itself. An long for more than the air I breath.
There will always be a place for Ontario in my heart an soul.
That life. That past. Was so Beautiful so valuable to me.
I want to go back. I want to share in that love an experience.
I also want to move forward.. I want to save up an get married. An have the whole package with my partner now. An altho I'm not sure what I'd do if my past came back. I know that my future.. idk.
Isn't set in stone.
But it is possible to love this many people. Everyone in my life knows how important Ontario was for me.
I miss that life...I miss those walks. Those hugs. That passion. That joy. That laughter.
But I'm here planting my roots here in BC. I'm not sure why. Lol. Because before I did it for family. But for the past couple years. I've axed my family from my life. An it hurts but I'm also very grateful to have these strong boundaries an to respect myself to not let people bring me down tear me down.
To walk away from the people who tried to tear me down. An to build my own family my own life with it all.
