Its really something... I start work in the morning.. a totally new time idea of what's going to happen in my life... a different place...sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder...how did this all come together? How is it like this?
I was thinking about today...as I strolled down the drive bumping into my cousins, family members and close friends..life is truly on the drive.. I met a lot of family members there.. a lot of memories as we strolled through the streets...the good ones mixed with the bad... the places I used to live, the life I used to have..the bad times I use to roll with...
Looking back at it now...I dont regret Ontario. Im glad that I went and got the help I needed, it was the extra push to get to where I am now, and where Im going in the future... If not for Ontario I would not have this future. I know that those people out there touched my soul, God touched my heart...and he changed my life, he brought people into my life to encourage and inspire me...
As I walked the streets of Vancouver and seeing the life I have....man alive it reminds me as I bump into old friends people who are not doing well in life... and I thank God for saving me. because I know without a doubt if not for his intervention and his love and grace I would've never made it outta Vancouver, I would've become what others that I was meant to be..
Now Im starting to work. and Im applying for Colleges.. and Im going to do whatever it takes to become more then that I've ever been, or been told I would be and I can't wait because..regardless there is no real excitement in me....it sits in my soul.. because truly this is a great time for me.. this is my time. my life and my choices...I have made good choices, stayed on track and it's starting to pay off...
It does not excuse the sacrifices I've had to make in my life. the difficult choices. the poor times in my life where I've had to let things go... I have had to carry on alone, or just leave.. there's a difficult decision that is coming up. and I know it could destroy me.. but I know for greatness to come, for great things of this future of mine to happen I have to make this decision because I know that I will do great things... and this sacrifice will be tough but I know that I have to look out for me... Im too great... I can't allow myself to be tempted by this life of terror. I couldve been so many things. but I have chosen my life to be this...to be the future...to be reaching my goals and acheiving my dreams I have to make this sacrifice.. I just know this is truly the right thing to do... but it'll hurt me.. not physically emotionally.
I think back to my life of the sacrifices I've had to make... when I decided to move to Ontario it was a sacrifice..to leave everything I had ever known and live in that place...it was a huge jump and change for me..but it was the best decision I could ever make. I now have to make a decision like that again.. I have to know that I am doing this because it'll better my future, make me a better person..it is the right thing to do.
I must say this... I've lived in Vancouver now for a year an half. Through "talking stick" festival I've met some fantastic wonderful amazing people....I have had opportunities to meet my mentor and friend Margo Kane. I have had crazy times in my life..I've made my own mistakes and done some stupid things...but I must say that there is someone in my life...that Im truly grateful for...she is a woman that truly believes in me...
I've met so many people in this world...I've met lots of people...but this girl...she truly touches my heart because she believes in me so much, she believes in my destiny my goals and my future. she believes in me...so much she is helping me through it all....these obstacles that come my way...she is helping me...not even just her...her and her roommate... do you know how crazy that is? I've known them for nearly two months (WOW!! WOW!) two months...these ladies have been in my life... believing in me and believing in my cause for the future... it rocks my world! i can't believe its only been nearly two months..and yet they have become a part of my soul, people that I look up too, people that I love because they believe in me!
All my life..if someone just wouldve believed in me when I was a kid..I might've turned out different. but all my life people have inspired me, encouraged me, and helped me..all for a season of time in my life...but these ladies...have touched my soul...they own a piece of my heart because it takes a lot of courage to want to believe in me...especially with the lifestyle I lived last year...however with all things I strive for change...strive for new beginnings and a better future.
Today...regardless of the sacrifices I will make...these ladies really have inspired me and really in some ways saved me...because they encouraged me, and believed in me.. Im forever grateful to them for their love and care for me!
Thats all for now.