I spent the last few hours actually doing something I didn't think i would do... a community came together to bring food and clothes to the homeless..I have never been against this idea but I just i didn't think I could personally come together for all of that... I mean I found it difficult at first being a part of these events because I was with the girls and the one major thing I have a problem with is trusting that they would be alright in any situation.. but once I was distracted i was able to just enjoy the laughter and joy of the community I found myself in.
i thought about it and thought is this good enough? I have done alot this past few years or even all my life of helping others and my community.. I mean i had shared the stories of my personal times downtown.. i had many times many memories, many experiences of being on skidrow.. it has changed alot.. and it's getting better..you should actually hear a lot of people who are having a problem with the new year coming around an the changes created around and how it's effecting the people...a lot of people seem to want to rise up against the whatever it is..
I'm really tired.. i'm not feeling well.. i'm feeling nervous you know.. the new year is coming will be here shortly..and I'm still scared but I'm also trying to figure things out you know? I mean I finally was able to answer some of my own questions by learning the life experiences of those i really love that are role models.. well I learned some interesting things from hearing them and it has helped me change things for myself..
however.. even if these things could change would change, etc... I dont know i feel like making this choice or promise to myself if just one more time something happens..than that would be it for me...but no one can live like that..because something will happen and I just have to figure out in what ways I want to deal with it..
I have a lot to think about as the time winds down and thankfully i dont have to figure it all out in a few hours I have a whole year to decide what kind of person I wish to be..
Im heading out.. going to meet my cousins and chill out and enjoy a good night hopefully with my cousins.. i can't believe how things have come together, or how lame things have just become in the last day.. it's been a really interestingly sad journey.. but I guess.its part of my life
Happy new year!