Fcuk family

 Im struggling because for the past year now I've been on my own.. in the sense we had a major falling out last year, where the cops were, and I was investigated by social services as I am a mother, and foster parent. 

It ruined everything in my family, but it also brought some much needed perspective to my life, the consuming of my family, the feeling of needing to take care of them, or needing them to be around me? I'm not really sure.. but since being apart, I've realized how alone it can feel, to not have that connection, to not have that respect, to not have any desire to be with them on holidays. 
I'm hurt right now because the only family I do have are two brothers, and the fact that I had my entire day planned around one of them babysitting for me...and the fact it is now almost noon and they are not here. it hurts.. It makes me see or feel that I have no respect, that even in the midst of everything I am not matttering to anyone. 

So I want to take the next step to sever all ties with my family, I have spent my whole life with this family name and the name my family gave me I want to bury it all.. so I'm in search of finding a new name, new family, no longer holding onto what I had because it was never good for me anyway.. but I have to also decide what that means for my kid. 
because he loves them, and right now they are all the family he has as well.. so I have to decide whether I should take him from them as well. it's a hard choice.. because in some ways they matter so much to him but in others they dont care about him in any way.

I just hate that its come to this.. and that I just want to end it.. end the pain I feel in knowing Im all alone, and that there is no one who cares enough to adopt me, be in my life. or anything.