skeptical emotions

 I don't know what's happening.. everything seems to be "great" but thats because its like we reconnect adn then the time passes, and then when time passes, its like that "happiness" we both feel, terrifies each of us in different ways, and then we let it destroy us in some way? Or at least for me. 

Im trying... trying so hard to find some happiness because I want to be happy, I want to love her, I want to build our lives together. I get excited at simple talks about the future. I get happy at the idea of knowing I can make her happy with one message, or one conversation. 
I get happy to hear her talk about wanting to have children, wanting to get married, or whatever. its rare.. Then today I read about whether it's possible to stop loving someone. 

truth according to the internet is no.

and I believe that to be true. because there are a few people in my life time that i have loved.. that I have loved whole heartedly. that I think about in ways I never thought love could exist. 
anyway I believe it to be true.. that when we love someone, we give them a piece of us, and if they love us back, they give us a piece of them, or the best when you love someone and they don't love you back. lol there's so much love. 
but if certain people that I "loved" ever came back into my life for help, support, or whatever. I would admit that I would have to check myself, because yes I am happy. but I also will always want to love and support those that were in my life, each person who's come into my life has impacted me in different ways, good, bad etx. 

The person I love right now.. the person who loves me right now. makes my world so bright and beautiful, but with that beauty comes worry, concern. IDK. she recently said that being wtih me has brought out some insecurities that she hsa never allegedly never had before. and so it makes me think.. all my insecurities are on overdrive, all my inner dialogue of pain is overloaded, and sometimes I tell her but most of the time I sit here swallowing the pain, and hurting... IDK

I am in love with her. I want the future with her. but I also feel..what i feel.and Im scared of it. Im trying to be certain. im trying to be trusting..
And today.. I gave up...the ONE most important thing I had in my life.. and I let her take it. and it was hard, and scary but it was material item, that I carried wtih me for a long time, and so giving it up. not easy but it's my token, my devotion of utmost love toward her. and I hope it puts her mind at ease abot the situation.. and i hope we move forwad from ehre 

we have so mch life worth living