Crazily devoted

 So I finally came clean, I finally said everything! literally everything! expecting the worst to become my soon to be reality.. as an overthinker believe me you couldn't blame me because I did this repeat "I did this" to myself. so it was super scary, super hard, and super crushing. 

believe me getting that off my chest was the best fuckin thing i could ever feel, and not only was i able to get over it, i got through it, and I'm still somewhat safe and sound, and still happily in love. i honestly still doubt that, please don't hate me for saying that, because I read something once...when we desire, want, yearn, adn get and have, and had, we are always afraid of losing it. and I guess that's where I'm at, I don't want to lose what I have, and I don't ever want to sacrifice what I have for anything. 

I cannot fathom a love greater than this, and I cannot begin to describe how incredible it feels to feel that love, adn that smile, and that hand, and that touch, and those eyes looking into mine, yes I guess I'm a sucker for the gushy love stuff, but when your here then there is nothing greater in the world. besides my kid.

I have started or wait I had started a daily reminder that I was texting to my partner, and I have as of today taken one step further... because reality is... I need to be able to trust, and respond with love, and to carry us or ourselves into greatness, and I want that, I want that all with this person, adn yes it wont be right away, but it will be beautiful if it ever gets there, but until it does... I have decided to start each day, telling this person how muhc they mean to me, maybe mix it up and say it in different ways maybe different languages whatever the case may be, because when we speak it, we live it when we live it then we show it, and others follow

I've proven this theory with the one week of "happiness" and joy etx. by showing this person that love each morning, and spreading that love each night, and having the music, the mood to be in that type of happiness, it was a great week that they had before their birthday, and it was beautiful, adn that is my proof that alls we have to do is speak it into existence, to daily check ourselves, and to daily love what we have, and live in these moments.

I got no real ideas how to do anything, I am self taught love kind of person. I spent my entire life finding dysfunctional love, finding no love, finding a rock hard solid wall that I never got through, I could continue with that crappy lifestyle, or I can decide to get up and make the changes in my life to make us worthy of living.
i'll tell you I don't want to go backwards, I don't either of us to go backwards, I want us to THRIVE into greatness, and to do that together or separate whatever the situation, I want to be able to share in that love, and devotion, dedication, strength, heartache, pain, and whatever else, I want that with this person.

I just want greatness I want to live in a world where I can prove to my kid life is worth living, even if it's not especially during a time like now. I want to do something, I can't stay where I've always been, and I can't go back to where I always was, and I am wanting to pave a way to greatness, I want to leave a map for my kid. I want my partner and I to be together forever and always, and I would love to speak that into existence but I can hope so, and work on, strive for, and desire it, and hope for the best.
I want to be able to bring out the best in them, and I want them to want to be better for us, and want to be with us, to want to add shit to the routine to want to be here with me, but I don't know only time will tell

I'm fuckin trying, and I'm crazily devoted, to this one person who has stolen my heart and soul in every aspect of the word!