bruised

The reality of the world we are living in an the reality that I don't know where I belong any longer. More an more. Am I staying here to keep you happy or has there been a time where we found happiness

Not long ago I was able to find warmth in your eyes an touch an now I feel cold. 

I feel as though I don't know what we are doing here. I haven't gotten over the continued miscommunication of it all. An I felt at this party we stupidity attended..  I felt like people wondered an I'm sure we wondered why are we together.

What purpose to provide one another

I'm in a destructive state to be honest. I dont feel as though anything good is happening in my life an if it is. I just was to self destruction. Self sabotage 

I want to hurt those that are hurting me.

I dont want to feel anything at all. 

I want to cry. I want to destruct. I want to be ok to just end my life without any desire for remorse. 

Or fears of the outcome of others. 

I dont know if I can continue to be in love with my partner when I don't know why we are together. Why or what change have I provided or been provided how have I appreciated or been appreciative to her an us. 

I dont want to keep up my own pain but truth be told. I'm hurting. I'm hurting an I just want to hurt. I want to cause more pain then what I feel. 

I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my heart. An I'm losing everything I'm prepared to be hurt. I'm prepared to just fuck it all up 

Is it worth a conversation? Is it worth a thought or words to be spoken about what I feel ? 

Or should I continue to hide in this bs an pretend like everything is fine. 

It doesn't feel fine.. an I'm so cold. I seriously don't remember when we've been good for one another. 

I really can't imagine a future only because I don't want to go on living. I want to be gone from this world. So much heaviness on my heart. So much pain in my words. I have nothing in grateful for... an if I try say this..it will lead to serious destruction for both of our worlds