Food for thought

 Its one of those times.. contious as always.. I know true to my core that I love my partner, and I could not imagine a future without her.
however my mind wanders...to a lot of...how did I find this power? to be able to say, think or control what where or who we see. 
Some of the time... I just want to lay in bed, or go for a walk, or something that involves being with my partner, coming up with things to talk about, but I haven't been able too.. I don't know what to talk about, but than again I rarely talk to others as is.. 

I dont do much with my daily life, I am not that big on talking... and I just... I don't know what to think about.. 

I think about the future.. I think about the answers to questions i have, and if she'll ever tell me... I know she feels what she feels for me, she's made that clear, but its been awhile... and I want the next step... not knowing what that is.. I don't want it to be living together because we havent' gotten there, but I'd like her to spend more time with me.. to want to make plans with me.. to talk, to come up with a new routine 

the short time she's giving me is hard.. I just want more... and I want her to want to be here with me, or let me be there with her.. I know she loves me.. she's literally made it clear as day.. we've got like several tattoos planned to basically show off to the world..LIke our matching outfits.. I want to do so mch.

I want her to just want to spend an extra night, or extra day, or to come see me at work, or something. i hinted several times of wanting to go see her last week and it didn't work out.  maybe this week I'll be more to the point and see if that changes things. 

I just want to be able to lavish in our love, and to go out and do stuff, and enjoy our time inside. she can be doing so well, and I just want to be part of all that. you know. 

I want to be a good influence in her life, and to make her want to spend time iwth me. I just watched a random tiktok that basically said how to make someone be obsessed with you and I'm like...why are poeple throwing this BS in the universe. why would we want to be obsessed with someone? don't we need to have our lives, as one before we are two?> IDK maybe Im just crazy. but I don't want to be the object of her purpose. 

Just reminds me I meant to ask her about something. 

Dang.... I have to get clarifacation on this one thing because I need to ensure that I know what I know is real as real could ever be.