fool for moment

 I have to write what is bothering me because maybe it's just the hour of time. or maybe its a reality of what we are. 
I have been in a relationship so I thought for a good while.. and I thought we were going to the next steps.. we talk about next steps alot, and in some ways we have best moments, or whatever but sometimes its colder than an ice storm...
Recently I talked to my partner... I had the mislead idea that we would hang out, we originally had a plan to do something but clearly that is not the case, and instead of having two nights and 3 days with me. I am now being given one night. and it hurts... 

By now in all my relationships we would have been somewhere else completely and maybe even with her, because we've surpassed her passed relationship. 
I DONT KNOW

but today when we talked...an when weekened is mentioned... she said something different, and the way seh said it was like sneaking this idea in there that i am no longer the center of her weekends, and therefore where do I fit in? if she isn't working but allegedly "has all these groups/appts" to go to but no time to see me for lunch, dinner
I guess Im realizing more that maybe we arent really much of anything. 

IN what ways are we in a relationship? as we aren't in the typical one, and at the same I have made it clear as day that I am supposed to be "fine" with the need to not be the centre of her world. but Im feelng like by no means... am I anything...
my friend recently..or my cousenlor. someone recently said..when has she done waht I had asked.. like say I say I wanna see you today. an she shows up.

I realize I don't usually say that... I literally have let the shots be called by her, and therefore I feel forever at a distance. 
it hurts a bit. and I don't know what to think...

I know what to think...people tell me what to think. but IDK!!!!

IF I don't tell her this.. it will build up. 

and in a relationship.... of 9 months..how many fights has that couple had? 
her and I barely fight, because we barely ttalk, and only see one another IDK not as often as I like, and when I ask for more I usaully get the opposite.. and sometimes IDk.

Im trying to stay strong. Im trying to remember why.. but it hurts. Im hurt. and its a thing that is preventable if she would jst talk to me. 

we are both at the "forever love" as if her and I are gonna be married, having kids, etx... but... how do we get to that, if we aren't even able to live togther or be around one another, or share some honesty. what would have made more sense. is her not lying and saying Im going to see my friend saturday instead of you and I'll see u snday. but instead it was 2 different things and it hurt. because if its real. why not invite us to the event? especially knowing the type of event that it is? and knowng my family likely is involved in some way. 

but to say that.. it hurts. Im sad. and IDK....what the fuck to think except Im hurt.