What i wonder. So you know how a mother and child always have this bond. This connection. Is it possible to grow this connection even though i am not his biological mother. But in the definition of mother. I am all things. I love this kid with every part of me. I have ensured no matter what happens day i die. Or even as i get sick. Or incapable of caring for him. Ive guaranteed supports from friends. From family. I have written a will. And ensured my benefits cover all things.
To be honest. I hardly remember what my life was like before being this. Apart from that time i died. I have never been away from my child for a night. Even when i try to take a break go to a movie or go out for dinner. My mind is always thinking about him
When reality is. Where was i. Who was i. How can anyone say I stole this kid or went out of my way to get him. Reality remains for me. I did this for short term i knew his bio mom needed a break. She needed to be a child. She was a new mom her baby daddy as usual abandoned her. So she fell apart. I knew this was meant to be short term and instead. Here i am
Almost nine years later.
I hope. I pray she comes back. I know that she is struggling. I know she is lost. But I will always do what i can to support her when she gets her shit together. I dont know how to explain it to my boy. Of all this chaos.
But what everyone has told me. When it comes to light. I hope my child sees that the life i have given him
No greater life he could have had.
I have spoiled my child. But i also have ensured he knows that we dont celebrate holidays. He knows we dont sell our body parts for money (tooth fairy), we do bury our teeth return ourselves to the land. We acknowledge our heritage. I told him recently my hope he will fulfill one thing to be a grass dancer
I know that was one thing his bio mom wants. I hope to find a way to fulfill this. as well as learn our roots. And try get indian name given to him. One day in the future. These are my hopes
I know there are a lot of barriers. A lot of shady things in the world. A lot of racism. A lot of darkness. But i hope. I hope i fill him with strength. With empowerment. Please let me do right by this kid.
I just needed to say that. I have high hopes for my boy. I know he is breaking the cycle. I know he has more then i ever had.
