Crazy day

 I guess I am a little wacked. as I realize maybe I am wrong and totally over thinking this entire situation... as it seems my partner has shown up for family fun random shop time.. and although it's sort of fun it's beyond difficult. 
I can't express the amount of pain I feel I am in... my body aches everywhere, realizing more and more.. I don't know how to freakin be ok. I don't know how to find relief in simple things like sitting or standing.. and my back hurts that all's I have to look forward to is putting the IMS in my back. 

Regardless I have a massive headache that I can't get rid of adn I don't know what that is about other than to think that maybe I need sleep. I need food adn I need  a moment alone where Im not bombarded by all this shit.. and right now it's just beyond difficult to focus, or be in a good mood. and my body, my head hurt. so my partner being here... as great as Im expected to feel. I feel too shitty.. 

you know how people say "you are the light of my world" or some BS like this... I mean her and I likely have said it.. but for some odd reason I feel so jaded that I don't feel light, love, or anything. I feel shut down, and hurt, and disappointed.. but I also realize I likely just hate how things turn out more often than not you know. Im trying to keep my head together. but Im feelin like I don't knwo.

and I guess this feeling may reflect that monthly curse. but maybe it has to do with my coping mechanism and how much I'd rather cave into this shit than keep up this pain that i am physically enduring. 

I may just feel like garbage and I may jst be suffering. I don't know how to be grateful today. 
I don't know how to get myself out of my head.. and I don't know 

today I was asked "where do you see yourself in 10yrs" and how many people can answer that? i definetly cannot answer that.. because I don't know the damn future. 
but its food for thought, and  a question I'd like to ask my partner when Im not so annoyed by EVERY little thing.. 
I don't know why things are so difficult but my brain hurts so much today and Im so hurt in every way today that i just want it to be over, and thankfully it is almost over. and I cannot wait but I need that release.. I need that moment where I can just let it go you know? 
is that normal I certainly hope so