Monday, August 8, 2016


Well there goes my day! haha! I tried to do the whole deleting my entire accounts, that would be Facebook, Instagram, twitter, an snapchat... these are all my addictions. lol. I was trying to force my love to admit somethings but she wouldn't do it.. actually she did.. but she got mad at me first for not messaging her back via text.
I can't even begin to explain the situation.. I can't even tell how amazing it feels to be in love, to be crazy about someone, but to also still be crazy enough to make sure they are happy. I have gone above and beyond! I absolutely have been consumed by love, by admiration, by appreciation for her.. all that she has done for me, she has been able to pull me out of some insanity.
I had a S day at work.. I had a hard time.. and I've always had a hard time because I don't feel the support I need to keep going, and she just swoops in and makes it a bit worse and then better? On top of that... I had my friend call today... I almost predicted she'd call today.. and I was right she is coming this weekend.. that should be fun and interesting... lets hope that I can be a good support for her, although I can't even be that for myself.. so IDK
I just can't get over...the feeling.. that it's alright to feel what I feel..and to acknowledge her be able to look into her beautiful blue eyes and tell her, over and over... to reach over and grab her hand.. be all weird like the movies, and put her hand on my heart... while gazing into her eyes. haha! talk about insanity!
I feel like I've done all I can! I seriously have thrown every curve ball, every darkness, and every whatever the F else I normally would do! and she won't go anywhere.. oh wait she'll ask what she should do, and she won't do what I tell her..when I say to break free and run the opposite direction. I see her running towards me.. and I've never been happier then that!
I still feel the sting.. and see the scar forming about what happened two weeks ago now.. but I'll tell you this.. that my next tattoo! will be a representation of that chapter of my life.. and hopefully I'll be able to find strength from I'm sure she will as well.. I'll say this much! there is no greater love then that! nothing more powerful, and amazing! I know that maybe that time and chapter has come and gone and it's time to move on! or at least thats what I tell myself each day.. haha to try and avoid the reality that I'm all broken and shattered! which will also be the representation of this tattoo!
I'm excited about the tattoo! you have no idea! I had so many ideas of great things and now for the first time this will be a darkness, a pain or something.. maybe the tattoo artist will change it into something better.. idk.. but maybe she'll talk me out of where it's going... IDK!
I'm happy... most of the time! most of the time while she's speaking to me! while she's in my life. I'm happy and when she's not. i feel what I feel, and can feel it in her voice, in her soft blue eyes. I know everything will be ok! because she's with me! and I won't be able to get rid of her! although.. my friend this weekend might get a bit weird.. lets hope not! haha! or maybe my love will get weird. the worst thing I'd say about myself is that I have and will always be there for those in my life, those I care for no matter where I'm at! haha

Much love!

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