regardless that Im in a place where I've never felt so wounded from the past...Im trying to let go..
I had dedicated myself to my love...I had written crazy stuff of how sick in love I was...
Its proven that I was right...the fall from something so great is so painful and seems to be so difficult to even think of letting go....however I've learned some valuable lessons....that my love.. taught me some things... taught me about love..this love... I mean when I was in this relationship I dedicated to greatness... I stopped doing things I normally struggled with...
when my love told me that my cutting had effected the relationship...after nearly a year of doing it I stopped a few months ago with a few mishaps here and there....
When my love said I shouldn't be hanging out with ex-boyfriends/girlfriends...I stopped that too. I mean even writing....
I was a prefectionist at writing...and I loved reading them to my love...
I guess the major thing for me was the cutting... Im sad that I've let something like that go. but after the many scars and wounds on my body...I realized the monster that had enveloped me. the vicious villian the began to destroy me little by little...
I was so comfortable at times....that I even cried in the arms of my love... something I dont do. I'm not an emotional person...but with this relationship it had opened areas in my life that I had never seen before...
I had songs and words of greatness dedicated to my love....
now that it's all gone....Its more difficult for me to be alive...more to difficult to find that thread that will keep mylife all together...however then I started looking at the other good things in my life... my family!!! The greatest people I'll ever have...the people that will be there in the darkest hours of my life, the people that will sings praises with me in greatness...the people that even when they want to hate me only love is there....the ones I argue with but will never leave me alone, the ones that I love showing my love too them....there is nothing more great then having a family..nothing more spectacular then that!
All my time was served with the dedication of being in love..and then I realized that this is not what was important...whats important is my family...nothing is greater then that...and i realized that...and now spend as much time as possible with my family!
well Im trying my best...to move on...
the love is still there....and Im still feeling the loss of this...but Im trying my best.....
its never felt so painfully difficult for me...but Im trying to see the light...that my family is greater then anything in my life.
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