Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Not the same

I'm hurting right now.. I'm crying as I write these words an recognize the pain all so well. It makes me want to make bad choices cause no one is worth my tears. The woman I've spoken about for months on months well the truth is.. I felt more closer to her then anyone in my life, so when my girlfriend asked me to step away from her I had a hard time with it. Almost as though a piece of my soul was being taken away from me. So I tried to stay close an all my friends said no one is worth that kind or type of bulshit. But reality is.. my gf has every reason to be jealous. I am in love with this girl who has never loved me or will ever love me. I wanted her in my life because I knew she'd always be there for me..she became a piece of my heart an soul I already feel my heart breaking, shattered an bruised. Just like Robyn if she tries to come back now there is no way back to me. I'm hurt An once that happens there's no coming back there's no forgiveness. It was a dumb reason to get upset.. but she has found someone I don't really know how she feels about him, but every time I seen him with her the way he brushed his hand against her, tried to hold her, whatever stupid shit happened.. I was angry I want her only for myself. Not for anyone else. An I became fucked in the head. An had to get away... I wanted to drive my car into a wall having to sit there having to see this an no matter how much I tried to ignore them I can see them, hear them.. an it broke my heart because I'll never be that person. An I shouldn't want to be that person I have a woman in my life who feels for me the way I felt for this woman.  She deserves my attention she deserves my love. The only issue was this one woman.  An this one woman decided I wasn't worth it anymore all my fucked up games, an coded messages an shit. So she basically told me to fuck off today.  An as I read those words the first tbing I thought about was bad... an even as I write them now I'll probably make a bad decision because my heart is broken. I just lost someone else I loved. An now I just hate the world an nothing is worth anything anymore.
I guess this is the perfect time for my tattoo there's nothing but pain happening an I need something to hurt me.
I can't believe how this all turned out. An I can't believe I lost her. Nothing will hurt me as much as that just did

No comments: