I went away for the weekend... I drove to Prince George with my brothers... I must say it was an amazing journey... the drive to Prince George was pretty intense, it was cold and it poured like hail poured which I pulled over and waited for it to pass.. haha.. I thought I was a great driver but that clearly was not weather I could drive in. We got to Prince George and we picked one of the first motel buildings we could find, I was completely exhausted... I didn't realize how tired I was...
Sunday Morning we were supposed to drive to Ft St James to lay the headstone down, as I was about to pull out to do that, I asked my brothers... if they wanted me to contact their uncle, or their grandma (I know they are related to me too, but I have serious issues of that connection) they both wanted me to contact them.. so I did..
For the first time in about 15 yrs we drove to their Uncle Greg's house... I wasn't sure what to expect as previously Greg never really showed much interest in my brothers or I.. but life happens? things change? Greg was very happy to meet us, and meet my brothers, he went on and on about our dad.. how our dad was...what made him happy, and IDK just random stories.. We also met my brother's grandmother... I don't know what I was expecting but it definitely was not an 88 yr old woman who didn't recognize us.. haha.. my favourite part was "your my granddaughter, and what did you do to your hair" lol.. it too some reassurances from my brothers that this is good an healing... a few times we had to repeat who we were to this woman... she's so fragile now, and I remember her differently so this was definitely an experience...
Greg couldn't get over talking to us about our father, he couldn't stop talking about it, and laughing, and crying...Greg decided to drive with us to Ft St James... nice two hour car ride with him,and he sorta talked he talked more as he got more comfortable with us.. My brothers thought it was completely strange that Greg just randomly walked into people's homes...
Cause I guess we had to follow protocol when it came to the headstone that I bought for my dad. So I thought we needed the two people from a different "clan" lay the headstone down, but Greg did things differently and cold a father Simon who came and blessed the headstone. It was pretty interesting, Greg stated that he is a religious man and that everyone in that part of the family is religious.
We had lunch and drove back to Prince George... and Greg asked all of us if any of us were drinkers or anything, and I explained my situation of why I'm not a heavy drinker, and showed him the scar on my arm, and my constant struggle with wanting to die. I know I'll never fully understand why I do the things I did, or think the way I do...I guess that was why I was trying to find a counsellor maybe someone can help me understand my head and thoughts.
we left the Monday back to Van City! I missed home so much it was unbelievable and more so I missed my girlfriend...
It was really emotional weekend for me.. in the sense of finally after months and months of trying to do this one thing... it had finally come together, I finally was able to get the headstone, and get the people, and drive there.
I guess the only final piece there is... is that I need the cement slab to lay down the headstone properly.. I must say how difficult this has been to figure out.. so when I originally started talking to people in Ft St James, I was able to speak to Public Works, and I guess they thought they took care of the graveyard my father's buried at... just to go through all that work to find out it was elders or a band in the area... so it took awhile, but Public Works told me they had the cement slab that was all ready to go and that I could pick it up... but then Public Works fell off the face of the earth, and so now.. IDK.. should I pay someone to make the cement slab, or pay someone to harass public works to put the cement slab down at the gravesite.. why do these things have to be so complicated, why didn't the headstone come with a cement slab.. lol I paid over 800 dollars for it.. geez... lol.
My favourite is everyone admired my father's headstone, it is very unique and beautiful made.. I'm very grateful I was able to do this for my father, and I'm glad I was able to share this experience with my brothers.
If I could just do one thing, if i could just say one thing... Dad I love you! and I hope you know not a day goes by that I'm not thinking of you, and wishing you were here with me.. My life has completely changed for the worst since the day you died... I hope you are well and safe! RIP daddy
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