be strong

 So I guess I've been told some stuff that is usually meant to be good??? I said I'm struggling with whether or not we are where we are, or that I matter when I feel so disconnected with everything? I am told that with everything my partner is going through, that maybe those questions or concerns I have are not necessary, those are my need for validation, which i shouldn't need in a time like this. that maybe my partner needs me to be the strong one right now, having no doubts, or concerns or whatever/?

So in a time of turmoil, when there are all these fears or doubts that are not real, I am expected to be the strong one, the one keeping us together,and having no doubts? This sort of makes sense when one of the persons in the relationship is going through one of the darkest times in their lives, the other is supposed to be the support, by being the strong one, the one who can carry the both of them through it? I Don't get it?

I do want us to survive a lot more than this but when I measure it up to everything we've already faced I don't get the difference, and/or why I am left in the dark, being thrown to curb like i'm expected to stand here even though I feel far away? we live in the same city but I rarely see them, interact with them. but I'm supposed to be the strong one willing to stand within the storm of their whatever, and hope for that best?
I guess that's normal???
IN what world is that normal? wouldn't you want the person who is willing to be there for you, who's willing to give up anything for you, wouldn't it be better to have them by your side? rather than not? Rather than keeping them at arms length when they are willing to carry the load, and drive you or carry you, or clean up after you? Just so your not feeling alone?

I'm struggling with what world we live in that someone wants to go through darkness alone, because it's familiar and comfortable? Even though I'm willing to be here as whatever is needed in the moment, even if you yell, scream, hit, punch, cry, whatever it is I am willing to be there for you.. .I don't understand how anyone wants to go through that alone, so Im struggling.. to feel like I don't know my purpose in this relationship? 
Why does someone want someone like me in the relationship if you won't let me be me, so who am I supposed to be? I don't know how to be less than, I don't know how to not go above and beyond, how to not sit at the hospital on the step waiting for you, do you know how hard this is for me to sit here at home waiting, wondering, hoping your ok. wishing you'd let me be there for you... I hope it changes with time, especially with knowing this is who I am.

IDK... the bs struggle is real lol.. 

other than being the strong one, how do I support someone who doesn't need the constant reminder of being a support? I heard rumor of being a distraction so I got us tickets, and made a plan for us, I am not sure if the plan will be legit or follow through but I'm willing to try anything jsut to be there, if distraction, comfort is all you want/need from me then I can try...but I do want more...
I want more than just this.. because I love/cherish/honor them. and want the world for them.. I wish I could help...but I guess if I put it out in the universe... send good vibes to the ones I love, and give them teh strength to make it through these harsh times...