new beginnings

Happy New Year!

Everyone has chosen new years resolutions...I didnt even get to thinking of it. but since I have the time the main idea for me is to let go of the past and look to what lies ahead. I've spoken to many close friends about situations in my life that continue to rise up. Situations that have been hindering me from moving forward in my life.

I realize now that if I continue to hold onto past things I'll never really be able to grasp onto future events of greatness. I mean Im capable of doing great things in my life, and Im able to confidently speak into peoples lives. I have a great gift of encouragement to people. and yet I haven't grasped that. I've become this something..I can't figure out what it is but I realize that Im holding onto the past. and it's about time that I let go.

This last year I was able to grieve for my fathers death. I was able to help family members grieve the loss of their loved ones this last year I've seen some terrible things going on in my family.. I've witnessed alot in my life..and I feel like if I continue to stay in this place that Im at I'll never go forward in my life.

so that's my new years idea...

to let go of all the people that hold me back...all the memories that continued to haunt me.. all the tools and defense machinisms and just strive ahead...because I've learned enough in my life...

as a start of going on in my life...im going to really just get a handle on my life... today my cousin straightforward came to me and said I have a problem with drinking... and although I've only had a couple days where I was drinking..I see where he's coming from because Im not the kind of person that should be out having that kind of fun. I should be bowling, ice-skating or something more productive..even then when the snow melts should be jogging an quitting smoking so that I can get my body built for future goals.

Im not sure what else to say.

I just have realized the person that I am and the great things I can do with my life... and I've never seen these things before...until I talked to a friend...and so im kinda in this place of realizing I can make a difference... in my life and the lives of those who around me...

I just have to let go of famliar things..I have to stop being comfortable in the place Im at...

that's my plan...thats my goal and that's what i hope for this year.