I must admit I have no idea what I was thinking today...I found myself roaming through the East side of vancouver..getting tips about bad areas and turfs here in our little hell world...
I was sharing stories about when I was a kid...seeing my dad..waiting for my mom..and everything... I watched as woman and men staggered through the streets, as men and woman on their knees looking for little pieces of crack between streets... I seen men get all rattled up about nothing and start hitting eachother for really no reason....
the only goodness about my day...was that I know most of the people that regularly come out meaning like the sky train people, and the VPD...Not that I ever met them in a bad way...but that I have gotten to know some of them.. and yeah I never been a bad person..I just found myself often at the wrong places at the wrong times...
I met a man...someone I knew when my father was alive...he used to be the biggest coolest man living around here..he was my hero...lol.. when my dad died that was the only man that cared for us..he took care of us...and he watched out for us...and it was amazing to see him again but I'll bet he wondered what I was doing on those streets...
I watched..and walked around...looking at family members drinking their lives away... knowing this is one of the many first start overs again and again for me... I quit drinking like that not that it was extreme problem but I realizing more and more at the end of the day...where has my money gone?
I have to buy so many things and I've said to my brothers and sisters the things I'll buy them.. and I keep my word...apparently my word when i say it...it's set in stone...although if Im under the influence my words are just stupid... that's why I quit drinking...
I ended up just walking around streets of the worst parts..most of the evening..and headed up to Broadway and chilled for a bit..met up with some people..but I left because I told one of my friends I'd be back...I never ended up finding him...which was really sad considering how cold it was outside tonight..I was heading home and seen one of my other friends staggering on the street so I went back to the skytrain to go and help him out...never found him...but alot of stuff happened tonight...alot of people started alot of stuff..and yes I was a little worried for myself.. but I knew that I'd somehow be alright and that I will make it home...
but it was hard seeing that you know? all these people...all these addictions... all that pain... I couldn't believe it you know?
the greatest part of my day..was seeing my little cousins... I went out to see them it was totally by fluke that I remembered and happened to be in the area..and I just hung out with them. I got nothing but love for those boys..those babies...so young...so precious... and Elijah the youngest one he totally loves me...he remembers me everytime I come out...I always make try my best to make it out...and everytime I do..the whole world is gone...all's I got is to care for this little one.. give him love..and just have fun....like being a kid again...it was wierd though...
We ended up just getting into the resturant when it started hailing outside...it was hailing, thunder and lightning and it looked like snow too...it totally caught everyone off guard..I was so glad to be inside...but when I did go out I had been out all of like 6hrs walking in the cold.. believe me Im exhausted yet again...but I hope that these late nights of hanging with my friends will come to an end..Im just really glad they respect my decision to stop drinking... no one has to follow my footsteps on that you know? it's not hard to quit...I know how it is to enjoy that stuff, but i also seen the hurt and the effects of that stuff too...and in the long run it ain't worth it to me...
I'd rather enjoy my moments in life...I'd rather remember these important moments in my life.. and I'd rather spend it with people who bring great happiness and joy in life...not just wanting another drink...I dont like that and I can't believe that...Im glad that I did not allow myself to become like that...I always am careful...
but tonight I was pretty much taking care of everyone..but I ended up having to be in like five different places at once..and running around the streets looking for some people making sure they were alright..
Anyhow...it was a long long long day...and it was very eventful...but nothing extremly great happened although Erik my little cousin got his hair cut...he was so brave..so cute..and he looks even better then before...him and his beautiful smile..can't believe I have to wait a whole week before I see him again....
ok time for bed IM so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open...
goodnight
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