Its official because I said so...I decided that I've done nothing but destruction in my life since I started drinking...so tonight after a hurtful crazy night lastnight that it's time for me to just let that go...I dont need to be drinking and being out with people like that...it's pointless and has taken every cent I made and yet...I still did it...
It did nothing but mess up my relationship...I was with someone and it ended because I was drinking....I have bruises and scars on my body from many helpless nights of being broken and hurt...and just tonight being out just realizing what am I really doing you know? I really have made a mess of everything...I told my mentor and friend Dave what happened and he was blown away because no one here knows me that hurt ever...and so I just done with that... I dont want to hurt anyone or myself anymore...I know it'll be hard because I'll be going through alot of emotions and stuff...but I know that alcohol is the answer..Im so much better then that you know?
so the last few days have not been fun...I came home drunk lastnight...and I was sad...and I just am not happy the way I acted lastnight but it's alright because Im now done with that life...Im not going to allow myself to fall apart like that...I can do so much better then this and being in that life is not helping me....
tomorrow..or today is a new day...I'll be going shopping, buying my brothers and sisters stuff.. buying my clothes...and just enjoying life..if it's not raining call up my home girl and just go chill somewhere..go see a movie or go for dinner...
But im done for self-destruction...Im done for hurting that way...I mean I have fun all the time but Im not really up for that kind of stuff anymore...
I made lots of friends while drinking but I don't know if they will be there after they hear that Im quitting...I mean the other night cops stopped me and I was just chillin with them..and all my people were like what was that all about...I mean I've met some of the cops here in Vancouver and it wasn't on good terms but I've never really started anything that would cause them to come after me..I just been hanging with people who become extremly violent when they are drinking...
I dont know if Im crazy...I dont know what's going to happen in my life..I don't even know what to go to College for...Im more worried I wouldn't make it at trying to be a police officer because of the damage I've done in myself..in my life...I mean I dont want to be messed up I want to make it as something and I dont think that a police officer will be the right path for me because I dont think I can actually do it...physically or mentally..I have so much history of violence and just history of things...Im not sure I can do it... so I will have to see how it goes..and start looking at some other options I can do in my life to become something...but I really do want to go to College..
anyhow...
it'll be good for me to be home more often...probably buy my brothers and sisters this game they want and play it all night tomorrow night or tonight...spend some quality time with my babies because I love them to pieces...and they don't need to ever see me like that again...i never want to see my like that either...
ttyl
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