Then on top of that chaos. My partner ended up in hospital.. I didn't get notified. But because of knowing the routine. I guess I knew to call in finding out where she was concerns me..
Because to me it's like I should have expected this or known in a better way what might have been going on for her. An I didn't. More ways that I'm not truly the one that deserves the truth
Furthermore. My partner called me today. And for what felt like the first time in a long ass time. It seemed or I assumed or took what she said. As she wants me to leave her. An if I do she's good.
Imagine that...
Just day before that. We were talking about Christmas. Our anniversary. Our first dates. Our month. Our shit of stuff that mattered. .an the marriage. The forever. The everything an to be caught off guard.. I hurt.. I hurt in ways I've not felt in awhile.
I had to swallow that pain. Because I had my kid with me. .
But deep inside. My heart is feeling ripped out. Shattered.
I shouldn't care but I do. I care about her an who we are an what our love has conquered.
I am not willing to walk away. I'm not willing to give up. I love her more than anything.
But damn that hurt. An I dont get why she had said that. An I tried to call her. But she didn't get it an when she tried to call me. I was watching ufc. Not a good enough excuse.
I dont get why... why is there this part of her that likes to push me like that....
Literally I asked her. Day before. I said we're good. She said 100%. If that were true she wouldn't have been saying this bs to me.
I cant sleep. I can't settle my mind. I can't get this insanity out of my head. I just want to hurt an feel hurt an re-hurt
I'm pretty messed up...right now.. I know this because I'm not in my mindset.... I'm in a bad head space.
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