sick child

I have definitely made it known that I'm upset at the system, and reckless parents. as I am taking care of my nephew... we have visits with his parents 3 times a week, but the first visit, douche bag father was sick and passed it onto my nephew. I just got him over a cold, children being sick is the worst thing in the world! Because I don't know what hurts, and/or how to make it better... I have to just guess, I made a doctors appointment, and a complaint to social services that it's not ok that I have to bring my nephew into an environment where he can become sick because they aren't paying attention, its like they don't even care.
So other than this drama I guess the only thing on my mind... is insanity! the person I have been deeply connected too, the person I've poured my heart and soul too, the person who has told me her deepest deisres...she told me she's getting married....
My heart sunk.. unbelievable! people tell me I waited to long... I should have told her... should have told her that I wanted to be with her! that I could make her happy, that I could who knows what... and instead she's gone.. and I'm completely messed up about it
someone said I should just tell her, but I can't.. I can't because she's thousands of miles away, me pouring my heart out will mean nothing right now... because I can't leave.. I can't jump on a plane an fly across the world...
My life at the moment is here.
I'm having a hard time with everything.. and taking care of my nephew is amazing and beautiful but at the same time things seem like they are falling apart and it's hurting and I don't know how to process everything
I am trying to keep it together but you know I'm struggling... Im not talking to anyone, not going out... and now that Elijah is sick, we are definitely stuck at home yet again! he just got better, the weather just got better and we were gonna do walks and stuff and now back to staying inside this tiny space forever
the other thing is I'm not sure what will happen... when he goes home... what if he thinks I abandoned him... cause by now he definitely knows who I am, and we are definitely connected...and in like 2 to 3 months he'll be going back to a shitty home with shitty parents who are selfish young punks. theres nothing I can do to prevent that and even then I want to go back to work...
things are so chaotic there I miss working for sure..
I'm losing my mind today and everything is painful today

I can't write anymore because I'm beyond frustrated!