I am in a downfall.... a spiral
Recently.... my body shut down... possibly a heart attack attack. I was intubed an put in a coma for however long.
When I finally came too. I hardly have any memories of those times
I'm losing my mind... it's not about new chances in life because I'm angry that it turned into this..with anyone else. There'd be a different story or whatever.
I feel unworthy to be alive. This is the 2nd time my heart had stopped. Or did whatever it did
I'm angry because everyone told everyone
I'm feeling traumatized as is like I cant imagine living thro it again.or reliving it by people wanting to find out answers
You know when I first got to the hospital there was a major incident happened an over the PA and every doctor, nurse, volunteer showed up to support whatever may had been happening.
And my friend sent me this picture of all my supporters showing up at the hospital. They weren't allowed to stay with me or be with me. But they wanted to be present.
I'm confused..... I'm completely confused...so much insanity
I have major trust issues. Major issues all together and if I'm not able to go back to work. I'm hoping to leave...to drive to see the one person I love an admire
We aren't the same people... we have a saddy past..but the one person who has always had my back.
Or maybe I just want to run away because everything terrified me.. and I feel completely alone
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