in·tu·i·tion

I feel like there is something that I'm not being told. An I feel like I'm being played for as a fool. Common space I guess

My partner has come back...but not just that but she isn't the same person. An as such. I have no idea what to be thinking. 

I thought about how to describe what I'm feeling. An its your here but your love is not. 

Idk why it bothers me so much. When I deserve to be loved. I deserve so much. But at the same time... I feel completely worthless because she's not willing to tell me what is going on.  She is keeping me in the dark. 

I can't force her to do anything.

But all my insecurities are stupid an they are flying off the handle. Like something is really wrong. An I'm not ok.

I want a life with this person. I want a future. But I want honesty. I want common ground.

I tried to be understanding an tried to be patient. I tried to make her visit beautiful. I have text messages of her saying all this bs about loving me. Needing me. Or going to die without me. An yet when we are together. It's not like that. Like her words are just words with no actions to follow.

I hate being forced to be the bigger person. I hate having to let her treat me this way. 

I dont know what to think or do. An of course because I'm in such a vulnerable place I did what I know to be not good because I'm hurting. An she knows I'm vulnerable and just doesn't seem to care. An just carries on like it doesn't even phase her. 

Explain to me how I matter or how I am cared for if she is not willing to see me. 

I really am feeling lost. An I'm really hurting more than ever... an I hate all the trauma I've been thro because at times like now it floods my brain an alls I think is all the stuff I feel I deserve. When really...my heart is so fragile so strong so whatever.r..why am I always the one that gets treated this way.. 

How can she say she loves me an treats me this way