My shoulder trying to hold onto the treadmill and left leg being forced to carry my weight.
I only made ir 30 seconds into level 3. Because I couldn't deal with it any longer.
The more I think of it... I'm feeling like that feeling creeping up to want to cut. Wanting to bleed. I hate the pain I can't control. I hate that I can't stop it. There aren't even enough drugs to make me feel better.
I didn't try hard enough. I barely tried at all. I'm starting to get terrified about what I'm going thro. An unknown heart arrhythmia
I want to give up...
Feel like a walking broken mess... 2 car accidents an now a heart arrhythmia.
I feel like shit.. I was being driven in a wheelchair and we rode by the old man and I thought why am I doing all this I don't want to get old.
I hate my life. It's been over a year since these accidents. An I'm still suffering and now I'm dealing a bs heart problem.
Feel like dying in pain I really want to use drugs. I never used drugs before..but I'd love to get rid of all this pain.
I'd also like to hurt myself to help calm myself down because I can't call anyone.
I feel like a failure. Can't make it thro anything. An I couldn't get thro all the stages. Because it hurt more than I'd like to admit.
I'm worried. All the stress is going to leave one bad outcome of me doing something stupid..
I hate my limitations I hate my failures. I hate everyone. I'd likely better off not living on this planet but then I think of all the people that showed up for me.
Idk why they showed up. Cause they Do lol..
Maybe my age or the fact of what I'm dealing with is why it's such a struggle
Or choosing to face it alone. Not to ask for help because I'm secretly making a plan lol
Idk
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