Love that doesn't endure

 Stay strong they said... endure it they said.. put up with it they said.. I recently was told Im the better person because I have been standing idly by as my partner had ignored me, to deal with medical issues, as much as I fought my own nature. I stood by and let it be.. because I recently wrote that this was one small chapter in forever, and no matter what the storm may bring, i stood by.. an now after 6 months.. of wishing, wanting, desiring, wanting more than anything to be in the happiness we shared when we first got together.. 

it's over... 

It's hard to go through this idea... knowing full well I've been trying.. trying to stand by, trying to not need anything, not even crying to them about how hurt I feel that can't be talked too, can't be seen, and can't enjoy our lives because of what their going through. I tried.. 
recently in some messages they had said shit about marriage, and it made me so happy, to hear that there was a future, that all this endurance would mean something, but now here we are, with nothing.. nothing but pain.

you know months ago I had said I believed in their love, didn't doubt it, and then all this BS happened and I started to because they have been incapable of the love, they feel nothing for me.. because they are unable to do so.. and so I stood by.. and let them deal and in doing that... in making the decision.. they have left me.

I want to fight for the love we had, I want to stand by even though they want nothing to do with me, adn that is what makes me the pathetic loser...

Very rarely have I been in a relationship that was good.. so many have been painful and destructive.. adn this one has been different.. in dealing with all their stuff, in being a new mom.. I tried.. I tried so hard and failed so hard. 
I dont know what to do now... 

How do I move on.. move forward.. knowing full well that there is nothing good here anymore.. 

They asked why I loved them.. I loved them for multitude of reasons but mainly because we were not willing to give up on one another during a time we needed that love 

I just tried.. I tried to stand by.. I tried to not be anything.. and in doing that i became invisible, easy to leave behind.. not even worth the fight to stay together.. even though I am fighting to stay, what is the real point.. I feel like they had checked out and just kept holding onto me? gaining nothing from me.
I don't know.. 

I guess.. I don't know..

it's unbelievable.. do you know how hard it is to be loved by someone who's willing to walk away from me? how hard it is to endure this.. I was willing.. I was standing aside.. and it wasn't good enough.. and now all's Im going to think about is how much this hurts and hopefully stop letting them come into my life, knowing I dont matter.. I'm hurt.. Im hurting. and alls I want to do is destroy everything.. burn down bridges.. burn down everything that we built in the 6 months.. 

I feel so hurt