Tough Love

 This concept used to work for me.. I used to be able to stand strong on this idea but I guess like anyone I have weaknesses.. and my weakness is a long time friend that i care about passionately lol. I have had this person in my life for like ten years, been through good and bad, and everything in between. 

I feel like an idiot that I totally didn't even stand like a rock to their request, but I can't... with everything going on in the world. there's so much bulshit in the world, so many bad things that happen in the streets, it's unbelievable and so I can't help but help, the only cost it is to me.... is feeling like an idiot because I'm told I'm enabling them and their behavior which really sucked to hear...

because ALL of my life with anyone else in my life it's been "tough love" I wouldn't help, wouldn't think to help, and I wouldn't even be considered as someone that would be asked to help because most of those close to me know I wouldn't, adn here I was going against all things that are me, adn what I've built myself on and just folded.

I'll eventually get it together I guess. 

I currently feel like garbage, because when I responded to this I feel like it messed with me in some way, which is lame

but maybe I was already feeling this way, I just let those emotions come to light etc, so I guess that's life. 

today I realized.. what I've missed, and what I hadn't seen before. adn what kind of person I'm likely looked at as, and i realize IDK if it's worth it, I've doubted it for so long, and denied it for even longer that here I stand with this stuff adn things, and I realize... yeah maybe F the world, but reality is this messes with me as a person, messes with my image as a person, and whomever I'm meant to be.

I have always had doubts those are real real solid shit that I cannot deny, but how can it even be worth it. I don't understand Im just struggling... 

I wish I could write what is real but I'm worried about who reads this adn therefore I won't say what's super real..

just hope for the best I guess