live it

The choices and decisions I make now will effect my life forever... so each day I always try consider the right things, but have to give myself grace that I am definitely beyond anything I'm human... My standards for myself are pretty extreme and I get pretty crazy.
Thankfully someone today finally said something that really helped me through the difficulty of yesterday... Forget what other people think of what I should do with my life... If I deny the future I've been fighting for than I will imply that I deny my heart's desire, and if that happens while than living my life for whatever other reason for whatever other way is a lie... Cause I'm not being true to myself...
So now I decided that this is the life I want to live... No matter what happens I will get there until than I will fight to get there... I have to be reminded that everything I chose now is going to effect that future of mine...

I can't believe it though you know? How much someone else's words and influences can effect my lifestyle, my choices, my decisions, and my future... I can't believe that.. and I wonder how many other people in the world are effected by the limitations of others... That bothers me and last night I asked my sister what she would do if someone said she couldn't do something.. You know what she said? she'd do whatever it took to prove them wrong!!! Did I mention how old my sister is? she's 13yrs old... and yes I had the thought in my mind but I had to allow myself to consider the person that said them, and the place I'm at in my life right here and now... so that's how it effected me.

I finally got the perspective I needed and I've got myself reaching out to the people I need to so that I can create the life I want to live yet again. The obstacles I am currently facing are the major facts that people will always tell me that I can't do it... Not just as a First Nation's person, but just a person in the world who has the kind of history of lifestyle choices as I do... I can't allow these things to corrupt me and my heart, my place in life... I've got to fight beyond this and hope for a better future...

I talk and speak and walk in the things I say mean and do... lol I am not up for this game of trying to reconsider my career choice... I know that regardless yes I will find a backup plan with all the qualifications I will have!! I am certain I will find the right place in my life of what I want to do...
For right now until the future comes to whatever it is.. I will continue to go in the direction I am going into..

Today was pretty good...Finally... even though some of the small things.. today was good because I was able to let go of some of these limitations of the lifestyle I am choosing to live, and also was able to consider that all that matters is the life I choose to live.. if I decide this future is what I want to do than this is what I want to do... and it's only natural for me to face people who can't seem to acknowledge the fact I will get there and I will do better than anyone ever could have!

I'm at the moment trying to consider my papers, presentations for school... I know that I want to choose someone that I haven't thought of because I have written about so many great people in Vancouver, so many great people in my community... I am hoping to choose someone who was a leader to me, and someone who inspired me to become who I am now... without actually having to say it but acknowledge their qualities of leadership and enlighten them.. I mean I dont think I would have ever thought myself ever being someone who is a leader...it's a natural thing in my system... Its just who I am and what I do... the choices and decisions I choose to live by and become a good mentor, role model for youth, for anyone really... I just want it to be someone who I considered to help me through some stuff and helped me see the qualities of leadership or being a mentor.

See how it goes... I also am supposed to be reading the required material for the course.. something I'm trying my best to avoid.. because I think I like the idea of writing about people more than I do about the book... I wanted or had the idea of choosing more than one person a community of people I've encountered in my life... who are leaders in their community, and are people I have been inspired by... I don't know.. I don't think that will work but I can only hope for good results.. I have my contemplating of many people in my life that I consider to be leaders and so just have to find out how much I want to do this with great desire...
I'm sad to report that the person I had hoped to write about.. while she ended up not disappointing me but just not living up to the qualifications I had considered to be a leader, role model, or mentor... so will see how it goes and hope for the best...

I guess I better go... I have waited all this time so that I can go and enjoy the beating of our traditional drums... I stayed in Vancouver just to be close to the powerful music of my heritage.. I am beyond happy to be a first nation's person! If only I could find someone who is a great mentor, leader or something that I could write about!

laterz