Monday, March 22, 2010

hope rises above

March 22, 2010
Hope rises above
How to describe the events of today or even in witnessing things of today? I’m thinking of it now and honestly the closest I ever got to a loving family, or even just this kind of love I witnessed all day was when I was in foster care in coquitlam. So for me to witness this here and now and with my lady, I am blown out of the water to see something so spectacular.
What an honor and privilege it was today to be part of something so small but yet just the way I took witness to these events of today it warmed my heart. I absolutely love it when love is enveloped that you can’t help but join in the laughter, or even witness these sorts of extravagant things that were happening today. It wasn’t about the places we went to see or what we ate, it was what I seen in each of their eyes that I could see something I hadn’t felt before, and even though I didn’t say much… I honestly was soaking in all the moments of joy, all the moments of unconditional love and trying to make a memory note of what it would look like to love someone without limits.
I was given the honor of hanging out with my lady and her parents as they went and checked out the sights of Vancouver and I loved it!! I’m not sure why I loved it, but I guess because I’m a sentimental person and I love these moments because reality is when life is as tough as it is, it’s important to take moments like the many I had today to revive my life, revive the hope that is now created within me to continue on… I felt like I was being given a purpose of what it’s like to love a kid, or what it’s like to enjoy moments of beauties of the city I now live in…
How could this be you know??? How could this happen how could life be like this for them? What in the world do I have to do to guarantee that this love will prevail and that this is what I want to pass onto my brothers and sisters, this is how I want to bring healing to my culture, how I want to share this with my uncle’s and aunties!!!
To imagine the things that were suffered for my culture and my history of the impact of the traumatic things in life! I want to let go of those barriers and I want to bring healing and I want healing in my life so that I might one day be able to love a man that way, and be able to have enough love that we could bring into our love a child! Oh my goodness do you know how much courage it takes for me to say that? I want that healing so that I could find that love within me to love others and myself.
I really loved today and I loved seeing that love of today, and I could speak of love today like crazy because it was so powerful… It was a powerful potion taken today, it was the sun with shooting stars in the sky, and it was eagles swirling around us bringing us hope! It was the rainbow in the sky promising that the sun will be back, the rain will stop!
Today was freaking amazing and I loved it so much!!! I loved knowing I mean the world to someone!! Do you know what that’s like??? Or even to be told that I’m like family? These are very powerful words to me and they came from someone who is great!! These are the people that give me the courage and grace to continue on with life, and share healing with the nations, these are the people that inspire me to become more and more of whatever it is that is within me to do better in my life.
What a day and I needed to write about it because it really blew me away! I could not believe my lady let me be a part of that joy and love. I could hardly believe that I had impacted someone that much that to even to have remembered it was only six months ago I tried to get my lady out of my life, or even that conversation we had I almost wanted to walk away and now to have had this moment in life… I can’t imagine these thoughts were in my mind! I really absolutely needed that I needed to hear that, know that and cherish that today was as remarkable as it was!
I am grateful for my lady and I am so glad that we have impacted each other’s lives the way we have! I know that we will do so many amazing things together and that one day everything that happened in the past will make sense… This is something I learned from my lady’s mom is that she regrets nothing in her life because it all was for a reason and purpose. So for me I have to learn to let go of the past and not regret the choices and decisions I’ve made because one day it will all make sense… That one day may not be today or tomorrow but it will come and when it does I will feel awesome about that!! Cause I feel like I’ve been living that way in regrets, in shame… and in that short time of being with my lady and her parents I learned some very amazing things that I will hold close to me just as close as I hold my lady to my heart, so do her parents words!!

Until than!! Good night and Happy belated birthday my lady!!

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