One requirement for getting funding for school was that I had to interview people well not just any people but Police Officers! It had become one of the most memorable experiences of my life.. to sit there interviewing two Police Officers who have met me in the past under some not so great circumstances. To be able to stand before them an not be as low in life as I had been in the last six months....I mean I know that I continue to say it an write it....Im totally blown away with where my life is at this moment this time, an in this place.
For the first time in over a year I finally have something that's my own...something Im working towards you know? I mean for over a year or even the course of my entire life I've always taken care of others, my family, friends etc....for that they are grateful...But for one of the first times in my life Im only focusing on myself...what i need to do to take care of me...An its not only just that.. its also that I have a lack of things such as necessities of life...but guess what? They have been provided for me! I've not gone starvingly hungry, or been without a place to sleep.. I have hardly needed money for anything....
Either way....Im right when I say with each of these hardships in my life I continue to be humbled an grateful for everything that comes into my life... I stopped letting my fears of others wanting to help me, I stopped saying no Im fine. If anyone ever felt they wanted to help me...im there in a flash to recieve it...an for someone like me its totally new for me to recieve this kind of help, I've always been stable in this area of my life...until now...an yet there is no worry in my voice, no fear of things coming together the way they need too... I trust in God an his ability to take care of me...Im doing my part an everything either falls into place or doesn't...either way Im doing what I need to do...
Off track....sorry
My topic of choice today...is a bracelet...a bracelet that means the world to my lady an anything that means this much to her means as much to me... its not about the bracelet or the time in her life when she recieved it...it's the words spoken in them "To thine own self be true."
The phrase itself... is actually some things that Police Officers are living by, something I hope to live by myself... The point of being a Police Officer....everyone has their reasons...but the one thing that one of the people I interviewed had said was it's about your heart...to never let yourself lose your heart, once you lose your heart for the job then you stop changing lives, an stop being there for the community. Its when anyone decides to do something anything... once it stops being about the heart for the job, or the people....it changes an as that changes...then the motives for the job change, until you look in the mirror one day an dont even know what you've become.
I hope to get my two tattoos now... it was only one until this interview... but to hear that we have to be true to ourselves to be true to what we want, what we hope to become... the truth is in our hearts, engraved...like stone concrete...there's something in our hearts that have been placed there for a specific purpose... an so when I thought about being a Police Officer is that I need to be sure that my heart is for that an that Im prepared to handle it...I mean the one Police Officer I interviewed had been on the force for 25yrs an never moved from his location because he believes or no forgive me, because he stayed where is still today...he has changed lives.. but if he would've done it for his own gain...he wouldn't have been able to reach as many people as he has today!
Im pretty tired tonight...But the one thing Ive really learned about these last few days... is that its our heart...our soul...that person deep underneath all the make-up, the facade, coping machinisms...its that person that reaches people.....people can only reach people when we are ourselves an share our hearts, our dreams, our soul... At times I even found myself to be ashamed at the idea of telling people my age that I want to become a Police Officer because here in Van they are so not respected.. an I hope that as a future Police Officer...that this is one of the reasons I want to be a cop. I want to change lives, change the outlooks of people on police. an I want to believe in people...just as much as they had believed in me.
I just...am still blown away about the attitude change in my life...the things I've accomplished. no worries, no fears... I've really come through this like a huge turn around in my life... an now I feel I have a purpose an reason to be here...an I could not be happier about this opportunity. I know I still have a long way to go before the Academy..but Im going to continue to do everything I can to be here, an meet as many people as i can to gain the life experience, patience, an heart for the job... cause I've felt that I've always had the heart for the streets...an this is one way I want to give back to my community for all they have done, or even reach areas they could not reach me in because they couldn't help me....I want to build bridges with communities, with people, with cultural things to bring back a hope....cause I feel that a lot of people have lost that. I mean I myself had lost that...
Its only been in the last six months..or last month that things have come together they way they have..an I look forward to the future...for the first time in a long time I look forward to a good future...
Well... these are my thoughts....not fully cause Im very exhausted...but Im still here...
Doing well...an very much encouraged an inspired by the two Police Officers I spoke with in that interview~ I just wanted to share that with my readers...
I also want to say that my lady rocks! I love her to pieces for all that she has done an is doing, she has accomplished so much in her own life, inspired me..encouraged me..an loved me without limits. these are some great things for me to have in my life, she is a great lady to have in my life. I could not be more proud of her, or more happy to have her so close to my heart, an my life.. she has truly been a lady who helped me get to where I am now! I love her very much!
Good night <3
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