epiphany

It's been weeks of my life going in spirals and twirls and flips and just outta control... but I'm here now and regardless of every bad thing that's happened the good comes from it!!
the last few weeks I've spent countless times in the hospital for an Asthma attack, and then for my baby sister because she got hurt and she got surgery and stitches and a cast...

there have been many great things I've learned in the weeks of these events moments that i wish I could store away forever and just remember those days in days like these. I'm told that I've discovered something pretty significant and pretty great... for the time these last six months I've struggled tremendously with only one great good lady my lady in my life... yet when I thought about my life these past six months with the good.... I have created the bad I have created the self-destruction of my own body and self, afraid to connect or accept that there is good and that sometimes it can be tremendous.. I created the last six months of my life in a terrible state of mind unable to accept the good in life because it's unfamiliar.

On top of which i have also discovered the significance it's been for me to be here... In Vancouver going through this experience with my sister showed me how much she wants and desires to be like me, and how much of a support and amazing person I am to be here for her. for all my family members... to have moved back and for the first truly seeing the impact I have on my family members it was a significant day for me..

The two week trend that began on Halloween got side tracked I had explained to my supports that i can see the cycle beginning of my life going down the drain. yet it didn't take my supports to be with me, contact me, or anything... even though i knew i needed them i didn't reach out to them tremendously... and even in all that i had been feeling and dealing with... I was able to see the person i didn't want to become, and that i truly and utterly am struggling to live but for the first time this season or moment in my life I don't want it all to end. I might not know how to enjoy life, enjoy who I am as a person, but i know that I don't want it all to end.. which for me is very significant... but even which... I see something trying.. or evening winning in a battle of my own self..

I can only hope that I find my way through these events in my life... and even through this last week and half of my life I have been able to witness the horrible events in my life... i hope that i find a way regardless of everything I am, and everything i've done.. I just need to be okay and I need to enjoy life for the next few days it's all I got right now..

well i better go... I will do what i can where I can... and hope for better results in the future.