verdict

emotional...broken...bruised..bleeding....sad..hurt...painful...not really here
Why is it that no matter what I do...how happy I might be in my life I always come to this crossroad of being completely and utterly emotional in October...or just the thought of it coming my way...
Im crying...Im an emotional wreck and I dont want to see anyone or be anywhere..Im thinking of going to see my cousin because he's the only person I like being around...he helps me not feel anything and helps me realize what I need to be focused on and not the future. does that sound crazy? welll he helps me through some very difficult times and this is one of those times.
maybe I get emotional because once a year I am forced to look in the mirror and see the person I've become and so far as I know every year I feel like I've done nothing good changed anything good..or maybe it's just emotions...memories of the past that no matter what I do I can't get rid of those thoughts...
I dont know but Im crying and I hate it
welll I guess I better go because I just can't think of anything else to say...

its been a emotional day and Im just wanting to feel nothing but I can't help it youknow? that's why I like being around my cousin because he helps me forget about these things...focus on today and that's it not a month from now or anything like that

alright well im going to head there in a couple hours because that's where I feel I need to be

good night