legacy contact

Im not sure why. Why you. Why depths. Darkness. Deepest secrets. Why do i choose you. Except to know that when you lose me. You'll honor my wishes. Ive spent years of my life wishing to connect. But also not wanting too. Because we met in turmoil. I remember some chaotic chaos. More importantly you showing up for me. And the weight that mustve had on your wellbeing. Mental wellness. I feel so ashamed for putting you thro all of it. I don't recall those phone calls or voicemails. But i remember you loving me enough to leave voicemail for me to listen to while i felt trapped. I tried to hold onto those so much. Because the voice and heart of u telling me you loved me. That id get thro this. Gave me hope. Gave me a light.

There have been so many wonderful beautiful people who had supported me. Been there for me. But where you differ. Its as tho you pulled me from the ashes. You refused to let my demons win. You fought for me. I lived for you. 

I know of all people. I can count on you. Thank you for being in my life. Please know Ive worked beyond to make you proud to have known me. Supported me. Saved me. But in saving me. You found yourself. Which i thought was hilarious cause a part of me always knew. Regardless one thing you my legacy contact can do. Is free the turtles. Bring my lil man. Show him power of life. We always said we would go. And of alll things i reserve in my life that one notion belongs to you.

You deseve happiness. You deserve to let go of the trauma i brought into your life. 

Let go my lady.

Live your beautiful life and dont just work. Enjoy life. Reserve one week or two every 5 yrs. Go do something new. Live your life. An never give up on yourself. To thine own self be true

Goodbye. Whenever that day comes. Thank you for honoring me. Never giving up on me. 

Just live. Live for you. For your partner. For being honored to be alive. To have gratitude to have built this life. I miss you. I miss you often. I cannot let anyone as close to me as you ever got. Cause as much as im grateful. I also have to deal with the loss of piece of my heart 

You truly are the greatest of all time 

I will cherish u always 

tell the truth

Nothing makes me more terrified. Than hearing that people i love are struggling. Not just struggle but in addiction. 

This terrifies me because of life. Cycles. Lost so many people to addiction. Lost so many important people because of it. And at the same time i cannot judge. Sentence anyone. Cause im no better than anyone. I struggle with my own demons. But one thing remains since my father died. I cannot ever do touch be around hard core drugs.

I wish i could get my loved ones clear of the nonesense. But only so much can say or do. 

But i am deeply sad. Scared. Terrified. To hear someone i care about is going into addiction.

Please stop. Please do something else. Live your life. Remember that my kid loves the shit out of u. And does not need to lose anyone else to anything. Hes already had his parents in that mess