hold me in your arms

I'm fucking hurting so much. I dont know what to do anymore. 

I spent so much of my time being patient. Waiting for the person whom I love. I've been waiting for her life to get back to some sort of normal life. I thought it would get better 

I've been made to look like a fool. I feel like a fool. I have been told the reason that she has bailed on seeing me is because people are getting in her head about us. We aren't right for one another. We aren't worth the fight for a future. 

I want to give up. I can't fight the world. I can't fight her supports. I can't fight for this love that I thought was it. I thought this was my love. 

An now I'm feeling shattered. I'm feeling shattered to the point of not wanting to wake up tomorrow. I don't want to keep living if this person isn't in my life. 

People said think of your kid. Think of what you'll do to him. An I'm so lost. I can't think

Why. 

Why

Why 

Why the fuck did we talk about a future. Why did we get tattoos. Why did we do all this stuff. Why did we make plans. Why did we say this was forever. If neither of us believed we get there. 

I cant get over all the time an effort all this hope I had seen. Or felt in thinking she would want to be with me. 

I have so much pain an fear. I don't know how to survive the day. I dont know how to move on. When alls I want is the life we had. 

I spent so much of my life seeking love. Seeking something worth living for. I thought I had it with my kid. But something was missing. An I didn't know it. An when I found this love I thought it would be epic. I thought we'd be forever. 

An instead... she tells me that people have gotten to her. An she isn't sure she can get her head straight. An I can't feel anything but pain. I feel shattered. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to stay. How to find our love again. I dont know if she is stringing me along to feel alive. To feel connected 

I don't know why. 

Why do I get this type of love. How is it love at all. 

I want to love her. I want to be with her. I see no one else but her. An I don't know if I'm being played. 

I'm ready to give up. Give up living give up this life an destroy it all. I'm ready to fuck up to the point of no return.