garbage thrown out

As I write these words so many bad things have happened in the year. I hardly know where to begin. All around the world one way or another we all have felt that moment of loneliness. That feeling of despair. Feeling of not knowing how to keep going. How easy it was before. How easy it seemed before. Things now shine so different. 

I can hardly express how it feels for me. I refuse to place judgment on anyone alls I can do is be me. 

I've been finding myself in this dark place trying to find happiness. Trying to find connection. Trying to find meaning. It's been so difficult...so hard to say no to my kid an say maybe another day.

I felt like we lived so good before I was able to find peace in all things. I felt loved an respected I felt like I never needed anything anymore.

Due to covid everything has changed for the worst. Knowing that my connections to my job could jeopardize my family. I put anyone around me at risk about the choices I make at work. But I cant help bit work. I can't help but help. Sometimes its all I have to do everyday these people some of them deserve an need it.

I have to keep Moving forward without knowing where thats going. Do you know how difficult that is? I've always had my family. An now I' have idk nobody. I have now joined the rest of the world an the pain they all feel. I finally know as a single mother how tiring it is to have to work all day  come home make food. Clean up. Do laundry. Take out garbage. Do everything all alone by myself. How do I even do it. An still find time for my kid. 

It hurts an pains me to see what my family is trying to do to me.

Knowing how they judge what I've done or am doing. To judge me based on my past an who I was. I worked so hard to change worked so hard to mend. Why do they do this to me? Do they think this is a joke. Like it's that easy to raise a kid. To give up all my hopes an dreams an be there for my kid. 

There's no greater sacrifice I think I'll ever endure then what I've done to be here for my kid. 

An yes I have sad days. I have flash backs. My life is not all good and tidy I struggle. I scream. I cry. But every night I still kiss my kid goodnight an tell him tomorrow will be a better day. 

Do you know how hard that is to do everyday. I love him so much. Everything. Every thing I do is for him.  I love him beyond all things. And I'm having hard days but I keep moving forward hoping tomorrow the sun will continue to shine. Keep Moving Forward