difficult days

I know that the expectations of me are never very high. I think with all the things that have happened in my life I just start to realize the broken pieces of me. I try to push past all my own brokenness because I am absolutely infatuated. In love with this person. And its beautiful. Its terrifying. 

I'm also haunted by my own short comings. Haunted by where I fall short on everything in life. And it makes me wonder why

Why can anyone care. I look into her eyes an think what is she thinking she could see in me.

I know for me in her there is a fire. Like my Phoenix rising from the ashes. She sets my soul on fire. I am completely wrapped up in her. 

An i think that's insane. That's stupid who says or does these things. 

My mind is racing. I cannot believe I made it here. I cannot believe it. Honestly if you would have told me a month ago that this is where I was going to be today I wouldn't have believed you. An its here an its unreal..

For real... for real... at the root of us is love. It's killing me how astonished I am feeling.

Its normal to feel terrified but its more normal for me to want to run. Sabotage. Or hide from it. Because I'm so waiting for the bottom to drop when she wakes up one day an decides this isn't for her. 

I'm losing my mind. 

Which is why I'm writing. Cause so much I think about so much unknown. Don't you think if someone loved someone else they would have thought about the future. I'm not talking just 6 months I'm talking forever. I hate to feel what I feel. I am happy to have her in my life but I'm terrified what that means.

Everyone deserves love but reality is does everyone get it. Its not just about it existing but about grasping itn holding onto it. Not letting ourselves fufk its up. because that what I want to do.

I'm used to the mindset. She deserves better she needs more than what I can offer. An yet she is still here.

It brings me back to my lady. I fought that for so long. To accept her love an learn to live in it.

I wrote something to this love of mine. Sounds so corny but when you hear it you'll see who I am. 

"What more can I offer her that she does not already have. In all my own trauma my own brokenness I offer the broken pieces of my heart to mend her. I love without limits. I deeply value an care for the people in my life. I offer these pieces of me to help keep her soul on fire."

I hope if my love our love isn't forever she can see how deeply I care an love an am devoted to her. 

For that this was the best love story I've ever experienced I dont want to let go 

.much love