I can't describe how stupid it is that I have to be outside of this looking in, and seeing my sister make a big mistake, believing this piece of shit could change, or that he cares for his kid or my sister. the sacrifices she makes for him, and I'm tired of it..
I may lose my chances of seeing Elijah but at least I won't beat the shit out of his dad. so I guess it's a bonus, I can't sit by and watch my family welcome him in the house, or let him treat my sister the way he does, and I can't stand by and let that all happen. so I have to do whats right for me.
I already told my sister this last payday it would be the only time I help her with Elijah, I bought him formula, diapers, a swing, we picked up a crib, changing table, I bought him new outfits etx. I did all I can, and the father did nothing.
so I'm walking away and letting them figure shit out and hope that I'm wrong about this piece of shit father.
I hate the world today and I hate how things are.. I wish it was easier, I wish I could have hope for someone like him, but I've known so many people like him, there's nothing to like.
I am going to have to step away from my family, step away from Elijah.. and just take care of myself, and in that it will be very alone and very sad.. but I don't have a choice..
lately I've been having flashbacks of my past and the person I used to be.. and I must say that I'm disgusted at the person I used to be, and it only took one person to actually believe in me, actually an entire group of strong women that believed in me, and never gave up on me.. but for this deadbeat dad, that likely doesn't exist, because he's not ready for that change.. he knows how to talk all the talk but he doesn't know how to be there for his kid or the mom..
He F's off every chance he gets, and does fuck all to help the family, and my family still accepts him and lets him sit in their house..
I won't even let him sit in my car. piece of shit.
I'm so angry..disappointed...hurt? I know that I'm being proud and/or stubborn more so being judgemental against this one person..but if you knew what he has said and done to my sister, you'd understand why I despise him.
My sister and Elijah deserves someone better than that... someone who actually loves them, and will take care of them, rather then being distant and demanding my sister to do everything.. she's exhausted enough with having the baby, and recovering from that, this guy just doesn't care.. if he care he'd do more for her, more for his son.. what's important to him is his addiction, and making my sister help curve his cravings with other things
I am disappointed in my family because they just let him sit there.. if it were me I'd make him feel like garbage, so uncomfortable his only safe place is in my sisters' room because he's not welcome.
the downfall to this is that I lose Elijah... it's already been two days since I seen him, and it's a lot of deadbeat dad that's stopping me from seeing him.. it hurts.. i love that kid so much, but he's not my kid, and he's ok with his mom and my family... at no real time does he actually need me at all... I just think that he does, because I've missed 5 days since he was born, but well 7 days now..
I don't know what to focus on if it's not seeing him.. and that is also hard.. because my life has been consumed by Elijah, he's become my whole world that now losing him... I don't know how I'll survive.
I'm sure I'm being dramatic... lets put it in this pathetic sense... everyone who's anyone has seen "twilight" more so the last one before Bella becomes a vampire... she gives birth to a baby, and Jacob... imprints on that baby... and it was in that moment he knew his whole life was meant for this one kid.. to protect her, guide her etx...blah blah cheesy blah blah
My whole purpose is to protect and love Elijah, and to take him away from me... hurts like hell and it's like my heart is now broken... and he's the only one that can make that better...until then...