I can't even describe the last week of my life..besides horrible... I have been harassed and stalked by my ex.... and no matter how many times the cops tell her to stay away she won't..
an if that wasn't enough, she also started telling people some slander about me, lies about me to the point that I had to get tested just to make sure it wasn't true.
and if that isn't enough... she has done nothing but message me telling me how horrible I am as a person, and human being.
The psychological abuse, and the constant edgy feeling I've had about her showing up at my home, my work, or anywhere I might be.. has been ridiculous I can't even deal with that.
You know this was the person I felt something for, I felt love.. and my counsellor stated it's true I could love someone, but not be with them. I loved her and wanted her to change and not be who she is, or has been. I tried to tell people she was trying and in some sense maybe she tried...but she didn't trust me, or my friends... these are long lasting friendships I've had for over 5 yrs with each person, there has never been a thought in my mind that I'd want it to be more then that. I never thought of cheating on someone I've been with, and/or emotionally hurting someone the way she has hurt me.
It's been I guess a week since this all ended,and then she came back like a force of nature, continuing to belittle, and try and hurt my feelings.. and as much as I tried to say no it didn't hurt... I feel it, I hear it. and I am hurt.
I can't believe this has been happening to me.. and worse off feeling completely alone! people always to be there for me.. people want to tell me this is easy and I can make it through this...but it' hurts, and worse off is that I had to confess this to my boss... who hasn't said anything to me... but I could only imagine the things people are thinking about me! my honest response wants to trash her, and hurt her the way she is hurting me, or something terrible.... but I know it'll get me no where, and that's not who I am... so I just sit here, absorbing all that she says and hope that it doesn't affected me...
I've had a rough week... but I must say.. at the end of it all... I feel ready for it to be done and over with! I don't care what anyone thinks of me..not anymore... and I've learned my lesson not to let someone in my life without fully knowing them..
Apart from that insane bulshi*
Things are changing... whatever reason that they are! and I don't know what to feel about all of that! I guess I'm hurting and I guess it's been difficult to live each day, and not only that... I allowed my addiction to come back in my life and that's hard to let go of... no matter what I say or do! that feeling is erupting within me and i can't hold it back, only one person knows the truth of it all! but I feel like I'm losing it! I can't figure this out right now.. .and can only hope that people will be there for me.
Or that I learn to call out for help... IDK.. Just hard days, and it's not getting easier