living for the future

I've had my struggles lately I've been afraid of never really making it. until lastnight.. as I sat there sharing some stories of times in my life where I was encouraged and inspired by others.. the life that I loved the feelings I loved having...the zeal for life returned to me...and instead of just going back to where I was....the pain and life I was living...Im determined to do everything I can to live..everything I can be all I want to be...
It's crazy to think of applying for College...there's very few of us who have ever made it long enough to be going to school...and for me its like I'd be living up to the name of what everyone knew I'd become....my family members could not be more proud of me for all the choices I've made..
I was going into my life...trying to figure out why I decided to go into the field I am...and that zeal for life and that inspirational person came to my mind...and it truly touched my own life, sometimes when I speak my words will also touch my life too because it reminds me of what I'm doing....

After everything I've been through I've forgotten what I was doing...I forgot why I was living, what i was living for...it was like the hope and dreams I had were slowly being brushed under the rug, and then we decided to do my application forms for school...the whole thing changed because I realized...this is truly the field I want to get into...the challenges for it will be extreme but I'm up for the challenge because I know that I can do awesome in life...I have a great gift of being able to encourage and inspire others and if that's the case...the field Im getting into will be the best outlet for it all..

Talking lastnight...really just reminded me why I've never given up...why it's not worth it to die.. because I have a gift of being able to speak into others lives, to relate to them, inspire them and therefore I know that I can truly do this....no matter what obstacles come my way...there are enough people backing me up and standing beside me that I'll push through every difficult thing that comes my way...

I can't imagine what it would be like to be going back to school..it's so crazy to think of going to school..I've stood by my word of being outta school for a year before I go back...however I have not stood by my word of paying off all my debts...I just hope that something will come outta this before september that I could pay off all these debts in my life....so that I can start fresh...

other then applying for school though...

life has been difficult...being outta work for so loong.... and being as lost as I feel...not knowing where my life is going, or if IM going in the right direction....the main thing is being outta work that's making me lose my mind..doubt myself...doubt my dreams and future events... but after lastnight i know I can do anything I set my mind too...I've set my mind to going to school and becoming what I've dreamed of...so I know I'll make it...it'll be great...

one day...one day... I will be a walking testimony of someone who truly has followed my dreams.. an became all I wanted! I know it! I feel it and I truly believe it!!


laterz