lost in space

Spent last few months unaware of how to properly do the job. I work every day trying to find structure trying to Find proper way of navigate In Between buildings.

Try to tell my team.  That I know what I'm doing without any direction.

I thought I was doing a great job. I thought I brought some structure some organisation for purpose. For the first time in months, I found that my team is going behind my back their talking to my boss about my leadership. Which jeopardizes my job?

Without navigation. Without a goal set in mind. I've spent my time aiming at things..programs. people. Trying to say this is what we're here for. This is what we do..just to find out that they either unintentionally or intentionally spoke to my boss who pulled me aside an told me to take a day off.. 

At first I thought wow. I finally get a day off work. But I honestly just have purpose everyday bringing donations. Bringing leadership idk

I rarely take time off work.

But being told by my boss to take a day off..makes me think someone is saying something.

I'm not too stressed about my job. An now I have to wonder who is speaking to him an what are they saying about me. 

I have all my guards up.. not that I didn't think I could handle these assholes. But that I thought we were on the same page.

It hurt... was a giant reality check. Of knowing that we aren't. That what I say to them. Is or isn't ok..idk..but to not follow protocol.. bs.

And my manager not following protocol. BS

Now I feel alone. Like.... I have no back up.. no one I can turn too. 

I'm angry. I'm hurt. I feel betrayed.

I know now moving forward. Trust no one. 

Which is lame.

I cant even get angry about what they said or did.