made to love

So for weeks it has felt like.... like our love was going down the drain. But out of the blue she finally showed up. I finally seen her spent time with her. 

I wanted to do more than what we did but she just seemed content on being with me. 

I have lost so much focus with this relationship. And just as I thought all these things she comes back. An I was dumb enough not to ask for explanation for proof. For anything. I literally just opened my heart back up and welcomed her without hesitation. 

I dont know what's wrong with me. I dont know why I don't ask the important things. Why I just take it as face value.

I love her. I love her more than anything but I'm also clouded in my judgment with her. I didn't ask about why she treated me this way. Why she's axed everyone out of her life. I only hope this is a beginning to having me back in her life. Or her coming back into my life. I don't know. 

I am so clouded... alls I want is forever. I'm scared to look back at the last year an see all that I had done. All that she had done and see it was all for nothing. I don't know. I'm losing my mind. I'm scared. I'm happy an I'm completely utterly in love with her. And I'm scared to hear people say otherwise. I worry about what their thoughts are about us. 

What does she think of us? Does she still want the world from me ? It really is so many things I need to ask. An I didn't ask. I dont know how to stay focused. It's just when she lays next to me. An is in my arms. It's as if we are home. An nothing else seems to matter an I dont know how to not let that cloud me. Because when i look at her. When I feel her. Even her scent. It' makes me clouded. Alls I want is to keep her happy. I want to give up my whole world. 

I dont know . I don't know how to live my life if she isn't in it. An I dont know how to bring her back into my life. I tried so hard to not jump right back in but the reality is. I missed her. I missed her so much. An I just wanted to live in that moment even if it wasn't for very long. 

Maybe I'm insane... maybe I'm just completely psychotic. 

I dont know anymore.