Struggling day

 So. I don't know where to begin except to say as I type my eyes are all red and puffy. I've been crying for hours now. 

I had a blow up with my moms youngest daughter. It was pretty much the same BS it has always been in our stuff. she has some serious hurts that she hasn't dealt with but blames me for them. Its funny cause she always says I am on this high pedestal that I command my family and friends, I create slaves in my brothers etx. when reality is during this argument she had made it out to be that she was the perfect child, only person taking care of my mom. Reality was I had asked for her help day before to take 10 mins out of her day to drive down a block or two to pick up our mom and she wouldn't. 

But whatever family is family right?

the reality in this scenerio is I get to pick who my family is, I can decide I am no longer attached, and I can choose the friends and certain family I have to be my actual family. 

The hardest part of this ordeal. wasn't that she brought all the shitty things I did, and actually most of the things she brought up either were fabricated, or flat out lie. the things that she did say that hurt me most and above all else. was that I was a terrible parent terrible mother to my son. 

reality is.. anyway who doesn't see the sacrifices I've made for my kid, or who hasn't been a part of my day to day life, they wouldn't understand any part of it. 

so why did I let this bother me? because she's the high and mighty person? i let it bother me because she threatened to have my kid taken from me which sucked,and hurt. like I've done such a crappy job that she thinks my son would be better off with a stranger? without his family? could you imagine, I actually can imagine how horrible that would be for him, how hurt, abandoned he'd feel. then I Realized this is who she is, this is what she does, she doesnt care of the consequences of what she says or says she doesn't even see the outcome that could be. 
she's so entwined in her own hurt an pain she doesn't see what she has just done.

She will see now. let me tell you.. she has lost her family because of what she decided to do. she also lost my brothers, and she is currently in the process of losing my mom. words are hurtful but her words and the way she expresses herself are like lava, she sets out to set fire to everything with her tongue, and because we are her family she brings it all up, not just one or two mishaps she brings EVERYTHING I ever did wrong she brings it up in arguments. 

It hurt. I am currently hurt and hurting. but I can only move forward. and hope that she finds help and support.

as I feel I have found love and support, I sent a post online about the ordeal not even about the detailed incident and had dozens of people come to ask how I am, as well as agree to stand by my side as I begin this shitty venture of the unknown consequences of her slander. 

I can only hope I can write soon stating that I am free of her, and that I still live my life, it is by far from perfect but I am doing what I can to ensure my son has the best life he could live, have everything I never had. 

KMF