It's been six months since I've dealt with grief.. I'll tell you now that I don't like the idea of going through these circumstances...
My uncle passed away and I must say his death shattered my life...I couldn't focus and I didn't care about school anymore....
I failed one of my exams, I actually failed it twice..
Dealing with Grief is never easy and I failed miserably or I was normal?
I thought about Death, thought about dying.. I thought that it would have been easier to let go then keep trying to hold on? I felt like I was holding on by a thread and more and more everyday I felt my heart and soul caving into the beast of burden that had been buried some time ago..
It took every ounce of my strength which there was none... To get up... To find hope? to find a future worth living..
My uncle was under the impression I was going to school... No scratch that My uncle knew I was going to the best school in B.C.... So for me to have failed that.. I was hurting...
I felt like a failure, I felt beat... There was no more future for me..
You know how when in death..when dealing with Death all your close friends and family come to you and help you stay afloat? That didn't happen... I became and sunk into darkness... more and more everyday it was hard to get up, hard to go to work, hard to talk to people... It was hard to tell people that I lost him, that he was gone..
I'm not sure when it began or if I'm back to living... I'm completely alone... my closest friends have almost given up on me... I couldn't blame them... I spent six months talking about ending my life, talking about being consumed by darkness... I talked about how hurt I was, how many times I had harmed myself..
So even in my own darkness, even in spite of scars, my pain and torture... I guess like a Caterpillar that must hibernate to become a butterfly... like a phoenix that rises from ashes...
Here I am... Once again... It took that darkness for me to see why its so important for me to move on, never forget my uncle and his greatness...but to know that...my life was not meant to end because his did...
I may have lost all that I love and value...but my heart and soul are intact I will find my way...
I have applied at another school, and I am pressing forward to my greatness... I keep my hope and faith that even in brokenness there will always be hope for my future... That the dreams and aspirations I have will one day be real, and I will hopefully be content with my life.
Much Love
