So the continued rant of my life.. The stressfulness of my life and the responsibilities of my necessities of life.. I feel overwhelmed yet again, frustrated beyond anything and worried about the future and all the things in my life...
Most of the time I can handle the struggles of my life,and really enjoy drama and events that cause choas in my life...
Currently feeling overwhelmed by money issues, relationship issues and just a whole load of garbage of my life...I don't know what to do anymore and what choices that I need to make.
My relationship is on a rocky road enough as it is,and than added stress of my partner choosing to drink and than losing all the money yet again.. What more do I need to say about the frustration?!
I know that I've been dealing with this for just over a year and before it was equal for us to provide food, and a future of taking care of our responsibilities... and now it's I moved out and still struggle with the same responsibilities... Im losing my mind and starting to feel my heart continue to want to give up..
Today my counselor told me that I can't change my partner that's something they must do on their own..These are words I know all too well...I know this...I know in my own self-destruction it wasn't anyone who could help me find my way out... It was my heart yearning for it, crying for it.. and it was only by my actions...that I became the person I am now...
And yet still struggling with the faults in my life..I don't know if I can do this anymore... Im struggling with drinking because I'm in a relationship where my partner drinks, but even when we aren't together the same tenancies arise within me to go out and drink...
If it's not drinking,well recently I hurt myself... For the first time in who knows how long...I found a way to not hurt myself again...How the hell am I going to turn my life around its like there is only so much strength within me to keep trying to get out of this chaos and yet I'm still stuck here...
I need some help, and I'm seeking help... but I'm currently struggling to find the right choices and decisions and move forward... Why did I do this to myself...What have I done to myself but put myself in all this dysfuntion and complete and at times of chaos...
I just need some strength, I need friends who will be here for me... Because I'm struggling beyond recognition.... and I'm scared I won't make it.. because it's starting to hurt too much.. constantly being pulled in all different directions, and my heart is crumbling before me...
Yet I keep telling myself this is temporary you know? I'll get through this beause someway somehow I find a way through all the darkness that continues to try envelope in my life.. I dont know what I've done to deserve the ability to survive but I'm clearly surviving and finding my way through this.
:'(
No comments:
Post a Comment