So.. This is on my mind and seeing as I haven't found anyone I could talk to understand what I'm going to say I might as well say it here. One experience one thing I have always had since moving to Vancouver and its been something that I don't try work hard toward, or anything.. I have always been given respect not because of my status, or the people I know...But because it's just who I am... I never disrespect anyone unless I have been given that kind of hate... While this is something I experienced for the first time today and I know exactly why it's there... So I will have to once again decide what's more important to me? This is where the life of this person of me stays where I am or where I'm going.
The events of now really affected me and I don't see point in that you know? You know what it's like? it's as if I been spit in the fuckin face. As if I did anything wrong and to be given that kind of disrespect while what the hell is this all about?
The events of yesterday yes pretty messed up, childish, stupid and just not part of the life I want to live... the response to my feelings while it was pretty shitty and the outcome...while the outcome was that whatever it was...and because of that the ripple effected of us has now come through to the people... the people will decide whether we stay, we move, we mark, or anything and right now... that had really effected me... no matter the state of mind, no matter the circumstances in life.. if there is an opportunity to been given respect, no it's not even about giving it...it's always been there and because of this one incident it's all over and I'm sitting here thinking... is this really worth it? if this is the effects of what's happened over a little argument.. imagine what will happen when and if things fall through?
No one could see.... what I see... I can't even write about it because it's just useless information and I'm really angry.. You have no idea how much that was not deserved and how much It's been hard enough for me to be where I am, and who I am.. and it's like what's the point? Whats the point now?
It is what it is... this might be a good thing.. a way out of all that I feel... or a way out of all that I am and all this garbage of the person I used to be... and the person I'm meant to be! so will see how it goes...but I needed to write that it made me feel belittled, alone and totally disrespected that was not except able to be and I am trying to work through it..