Monday, February 8, 2010

survive w/support

While today is a significant day of fighting! I mean to go against all odds of not having all these things and still trying to keep my head held high of getting through this just as I have survived all these things in the past.
I didn't realize how difficult things could get as I've looked at this month.. the cost of moving into my own place, and the costs since than have been overwhelming and I can say that so far I'm glad to have my mom's support because I've got there at least three times a week to pick up can goods etc just to continue to survive.
I have reached out to all supports, all resources to find ways of how to clarify my ability to get to and from school on top of also coming around for appointments and everything.

I feel better about the fighting today and feel like it's a battle that will be won.

However.. I'm also looking at my life looking at my expanses and realizing more and more how crazy I am becoming with my expanses and although it sounds logical to just get a job and stay motivated that way. I also am very lost because really.....As I continue to say I'm going to get a job the more people are telling me that because of some events going on it will be difficult.. It makes me wish I could've just said yes to a job offer but could not jeopordize my school for this.

Emotionally.. I've kept myself very busy and unaware of the realities of things going on here.. and trying to stay above it all. and I realize that I do try make serious conversations less serious because of an uncomfortable pain that I would have to deal with if I were being serious or whatever. however I have also found that when the time came for it I can be a pretty awesome support for those who need my support for whatever reason... so I think I just choose my battles of emotions differently.

Well.. now I have nothing else I can or need to say..

I know that I'm just fighting and fighting to keep on keepin on.. that I'm making all the necessary arrangements to battle the big things and try to just be awesome regardless of the circumstances.

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